Personally, it sounds like to me that misery loves company. Mrs. SP threw a big bucket of poopy up the side of a wall, and now it's splashing back down on her, and she's discovered it sucks.
I can't disagree with SP's rant - I've felt almost identical emotions
But, in keeping with my mantra of "Do the right thing no matter what", I echo hoosiermama:
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yeah, she's hurting over something that she knows she's caused but can't admit it yet because she has to get her mojo to a point of at least minimal capacity or the admission will destroy her
What you're seeing is a woman who's reaping what she sowed, and the enormity of that reaping is crashing down on her. Take the anger, shame, guilt, manipulations, feelings - roll into a tidy ball, and do a flying leap into the middle of it.
And again hoosiermama:
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in short, you do nothing for now except recognize her desperation and stand back and shake your head, and be sure Themselves are safe.
It is in this step back from the edge of the abyss that peace can be found.
Puppy will talk about things disintegrating into "disgust" - when I first starting feeling those pop up, I set things up to file divorce.
I refuse to allow a beautiful 8 years of life to be forever tarnished by looking at the woman I spent them with in disgust.
W has taken my wife, she has taken my marriage, she has taken 50% of my kids' childhoods, she has taken, briefly, my happiness - she will not take my memories.
I don't know. But now she's all about "it's Miss Someone or Me, for evermore, and I want to know now."
I have to admit I almost do feel sorry for her. It sounds like all this has been festering away for a very long time .... longer than you've been married, probably. She's fighting demons that may have little to do with you, and I hope she gets some help she can accept and utilize.
"Almost" has nothing to do with it from my POV -- I do feel sorry for her. And I agree -- this stuff is coming from deep well that needs to get explored.
decisions made under the influence of *any* strong emotion are ripe for regrets later, IMHO.
Just stop over analyzing, nit picking, justifying.
Stop the gazillion emails.
What she does in her own time is hers.
What you do in your life is yours.
Getting those two mixed creates a toxic waste dump and is torturous.
Are you each other's emotional confidante? That's what married folks are.
And over time you're mean to each other, really really mean. What does that serve?
Everything about you invites questions. Which Famous Asian City? The cloak of secrecy, the need to know. Are you still in counseling for what was making things get better right before the bomb? A cat with a mouse.
As entertaining and as erudite as you are, at some point she's responsible for her own happiness, her own care as are you. She'll figure it out eventually. What's in the fridge is not your concern. That's why God created take out.
And, let it go. Take off the burden of smileytudiness privately and see who you are, away from the masses, the scripts, the judgment. Just look.
Everything about you invites questions. Which Famous Asian City?
No comprendo -- what is it you're asking here? Does the name matter? You know -- this is my narrative style sheet -- Coastal City, Upstate City, Big Midwestern City....
Are you still in counseling for what was making things get better right before the bomb?
You mean me personally? IC? Yes.
at some point she's responsible for her own happiness
Yeah -- at this point!
What's in the fridge is not your concern.
When I am dropping my kids off there? When I am babysitting them there? And there's nothing but a toxic waste dump for them in the fridge? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no -- not even "no," @Gypsy -- Oh Hell No.
That is EVERY BIT MY CONCERN.
And stuffing take-out down their gullets isn't an answer. If that's how she wants to live ON HER OWN, that's one thing -- but not with Themselves.
1. Have lots of "love-making" with Miss Someone, during which we laugh about WAW;
2. Introduce Miss Someone to the children, marry her, and move the entire family to Famous Asian City;
3. Trick WAW into having sex with me so that I can "toss her away" and get my revenge;
4. Tell the children that she is a bad mother and that BMCFriend is much better; and
5. Take all of her money and force her to be homeless.
All of her fears laid out for you on a platter. It's not crazy, it's real to her. You respond back with your own fears. So the loop continues.
Since your not a Jesuit let's try Boy Scouts. Here's why the Boy Scouts shake hands with their left hand.
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Our Scout salute and handshake are ancient signs of bravery and respect. The normal right-hand handshake comes from the times when men carried weapons such as swords or guns for their own protection. When they met one another, there was an uneasy moment as each watched the other's right hand. If it went to his sword or gun, there was a battle, but if it went to his hat it was a salute of friendship or respect. The handshake is similar - outstretching your right hand shows it is empty and you are friendly. The left-hand shake comes to us from the Ashanti warriors whom Baden-Powell met long ago in Africa. He saluted them with his right hand, but the Ashanti chieftain offered his left hand and said: 'In our land only the bravest of the brave shake hands with the left hand, because to do so we must drop our shields and our protection.'
She dropped her shield, let you know where she is vulnerable, and how did you respond? Are you there for her? It matters.
Listen to what the women are saying. It's not the way men think. You are still very angry and hurt and it is holding you back. You can't change the past. You are still fighting a emotional battle with logic. Listen and open your mind. I understand where you are, DBing was the hardest thing to do I have encountered to date. Strength and Honor.
Cheers Coach
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Your wife is in life altering pain. She shows this to you. You come back with 'she's on the crazy train.' So this is how you deal with someone who is sad and scared? You call them crazy? Cold shot, SP.
I can so relate to where your wife is. I can tell you from my experience that at some point, there is no more room to stuff anything - it all comes out and up and spews everywhere and keeping it inside where it hurts like a big dog just isn't an option. All Edit Buttons are deactivated. It's almost involuntary b/c believe me, I'll bet she wishes she didn't have to tell YOU of all people that she wishes she had the kind of attention you are giving Miss Someone. But there is no holding it in anymore.
Her fears are: 1. Have lots of "love-making" with Miss Someone, during which we laugh about WAW;
~~~Maybe you are crappy in bed, SP. Sounds to me like she's not too sure of herself in that dept., too.
2. Introduce Miss Someone to the children, marry her, and move the entire family to Famous Asian City;
~~~You've often said that she is admittedly not the Soccer Mom type. No matter how accomplished we women are in our occupations, feeling like we're failing as mothers will sink our ship. And yeah, we do imagine everyone else is doing it better than us. That's why we like it so much when the father of our children cheer us on in this dept.
3. Trick WAW into having sex with me so that I can "toss her away" and get my revenge;
~~~She surely does seem to know that she has done wrong and expects you to punish her. So what was her mother like? If I had to guess, I would say your wife has not enjoyed unconditional love in her life. Wonder if she'll get it now?
4. Tell the children that she is a bad mother and that BMCFriend is much better; and
~~~ See #2
5. Take all of her money and force her to be homeless.
~~~ 'Cuz she's been pulling the financial wagon in your family, and even THAT won't be honored.
So her mother dies. You confess to not being there for her. The pain and loss she experienced then is on par with what she is dealing with now. Instead of calling your wife batshit crazy, consider being there for her this time. Even though she spit on you. Even though the A. Even though you're pissed, too. Even though whatever. Either love that woman unconditionally or tell her "It's over. Period. End of sentence. Good bye."
Gulp. Greek
Me45 H46 T25 M22 S21 & 19 D13 Separated and filed 8/08 Moved home 11/08
