M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Back to School Night/Obligatory encounter with H...
How'd it go?
AKA: "Ben the school teacher" --- Me:45, W:41 | Ds:10,12&14 | M:18, T:20 Me: MLC+PA+WAS+Separated 10/08 My Request to Reconcile Denied 7/09 W w/OM 6/09-11/09
Uh, is it bad that I want to take H's money, buy myself some lingerie, let someone rip it off of me, f*ck the sh*t out of that someone and send a video of it to H??
It went interesting. After he did us the enormous favor of missing a concert (yes this was reiterated multiple times)...after the boring as heck school event, as I prepared to hustle tired youngens home to sleep...H started talking about dinner and where he was gonna go (ooo...daddy, we want to go too, we're starving etc.). So big bad mean mommy decides to oblige and we all hop in H's car to go to dinner (note to self, what the f*ck are you doing?????).
Unfortunately, on the forefront of my mind is a purchase that I saw made by H that, while I can't explain here, clearly screamed (bought this for GF)...but, who knows? May be a coincidence (maybe something he bought for research for a project or something). So, I, being not of sound mind, start inquiring about H's work, you sure there's no other projects?? Kids are with us (I NEVER normally do this kind of nutty stuff)...trying to be covert, thinking for some pathetic reason, no, that's not how he spends his time, searching for things with her name on it...for what? Finally at dinner, you sure you're not doing a ***** ***** project? Lightbulb. He's caught. I can see it. Self-inflicted wound. S7 asks me why I "hate" daddy...yikes.
I must admit in some sick way, I relished in him surrounded by his kids and myself having to stew in it. Mind you, they had NO idea what we were talking about, just that there was tension and weirdness.
So, after dinner, he texted me that he felt caught especially with the kids there and that I didn't violate anything.
And I admitted that I showed a lack of restraint and I shouldn't have come to dinner with that on my mind.
Somehow I thought it wasn't what I thought it was but there it is...he's got quite the romance going with her and it involves special gifts and even apparently a neat project he's making for her...well from what I could gather in code.
My big issue was that it appeared he bought one of the items on the day he was sending me "i feel so bad texts" and "I'm so confused"...seems I was wrong on the dates and he was very preoccupied with pointing that out.
Anyway, I want to run run run away...
cute comedic genius texted me today. I'll tell you, I want it, but it seems the dating thing may just be a whole other world of hurt.
Uh, is it bad that I want to take H's money, buy myself some lingerie, let someone rip it off of me, f*ck the sh*t out of that someone and send a video of it to H??
Sounds normal to me. I want the same thing. (I mean, I want someone to f*ck me til I can't walk. I want that for you too of course. )
In fact, I would be, I mean I will be, happy with that even without the video.
Remind me again why all the reasons that a WAW should have an epiphany and shudder in fear at the prospect of divorce are not applicable to the LBW?
I think that has been an impasse for me. "Oh, she'll see how awful it is"..."she'll come crawling back once reality hits"...how is that not my destiny too?
It just seems like we make the case on here as to why marriage is so important and divorce is so bad and they'll see and then we simultaneously try to convince ourselves that it doesn't matter and life will be fine regardless.
I am exhausted walking that line. Why would H wake up? Why would he regret? Why would he work for it? Where is the value?
Remind me again why all the reasons that a WAW should have an epiphany and shudder in fear at the prospect of divorce are not applicable to the LBW?
I think that has been an impasse for me. "Oh, she'll see how awful it is"..."she'll come crawling back once reality hits"...how is that not my destiny too?
It just seems like we make the case on here as to why marriage is so important and divorce is so bad and they'll see and then we simultaneously try to convince ourselves that it doesn't matter and life will be fine regardless.
I am exhausted walking that line. Why would H wake up? Why would he regret? Why would he work for it? Where is the value?
Because you have seen the value in yourself. You are confident. You don't need to beg or plead. Because you will be the better person and lead by example.
H wake up? You said he's been confused lately and sending lots of texts. This OW is a diversion and a way to prop up his ego.
"My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand." Thich Nhat Hanh
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