Wow, with all the wisdom on this board, who needs therapists? Just reading the advice and words of reason helps calm my mind and my junk thinking.
J, you are very right, I have been spending so much effort figuring out what is wrong with him that I am ceasing to function in basic living my own life. I need to concentrate on that and do things for the kids and I that I want to do. And just plain enjoy the Penn State game in the rain. Are you a graduate? Taking the kids up for the parade Friday night.
Optomist, I have felt that peace, but it hasn't stuck around very long, but possible know that it does exist and can return will be enough for me to keep doing what I feel is right. Be happy with the choices I make.
Mockers, as much as it hurts, I do think he needs time to himself to really think things over. I don't know how long this will take and what the result will be, but I don't think he is willing to do it with me around, I think I'm an easy scapegoat for what is wrong in his life. And do I so have that "beginning of the end" mentality, thanks for pointing it out.
Nik, I checked that book out back in November when this started, I need to really read it, I'm thinking it does apply to us and our situation.
Z--I am fighting those boggarts, gotta stop. I liked what you said on your thread, when you are so tired or angry with them that you just want to kick their butt, it is a signal that it is time to back off. I am very angry with him at the moment, so starting or pursuing any conversations are not going to do any good.
Pam, the H's sure do seem similar. I don't know if there is any right or wrong in our actions, just try and do things that we can look back and be proud of our actions.
Last night: Horrible. Should have read my thread before dinner. Met H for dinner, S7's birthday and my parents are still up. Kids were playing some video games, so H and I sat down. He has the horrible look on his face, always a key to something bad down the road. So we sit down and he tells me he is not going to Disney with us and as soon as the townhome is ready, he is moving out. I ask, on Saturday you were planning to do Disney and still undecided, what changed. He said, our conversation the other night, that you were willing to take the kids for Germany for Christmas. I start to defend myself: I wasn't going to take them the whole break, we talked about x-mas together, and then afterwards go for the rest of break. He also said it wouldn't be fair to the kids for him to go to Disney? I didn't argue, especially as he said, this is neither the time nor the place for this conversation. So he can live here until he decides to move out, but going on vacation together will confuse the kids. My parents are starting to get a clue, H barely even spoke to them when he was direcly asked a question. I'm very dissapointed in his behavior. But, he is a grown adult and can do what he wants. I'm sure my "female friend" comment is also what led to this decision. But, this is spending more energy in figuring him out! I didn't talk to him when we got home, I was too angry and thought that would only escalate the situation.
