that's one way to look at it, I suppose. and we all project our own agendas and subsequent agendas on others. I just don't read this as her being emotionally capable of being so manipulative or intentional.
M60 H52 D20 M14 yrs OW-old gf from 1986 bomb-5/18/08 H filed for D-9/10/08 D final 4/24/09 xH remarried (not OW) 2012
Rob... I'm w/you. That's why she's not evolving. She can't. She's too busy f'n EXPECTING!
PS - I'm f'n hilarious after a few glasses of wine, eh? LOL
you are freakin' hilarious after a few glasses of wine and you're use of special characters and typing style are fantastic, maybe alcohol does improve performance! ;-)
She appears needy at this point: I want this, that and the other and with that type of mindset, SP can't convince her of anything. She wants to live in limbo, neither here nor there, somewhere in between where she can just exist aimlessly without having to make a decision.
that's one way to look at it, I suppose. and we all project our own agendas and subsequent agendas on others. I just don't read this as her being emotionally capable of being so manipulative or intentional.
I've been following the entire thread (threads), she started this all as everything being SP's fault, making him feel guilty for everything, listing all of his inadequacies, she flexed her muscles and SP pursued for a bit, tried to show a different SP but she wasn't impressed or interested because she had signor in the background. She tried to make him feel guilty for accepting marital support when the legal paperwork starts flying and then when he... GASP! ... says ummm... no I'll take the money because i don't think I'll feel guilty about any of this anymore she gets angry at him.
WAS's who have affairs are both manipulative & doing things intentionally. Lying, cheating, and doing everything they can to pursue "feeling good" at the expense of their spouses and their intent isn't to be fair or friendly, it's to leave their spouse in the dust that settles after the WAS whirlwind action.
that's one way to look at it, I suppose. and we all project our own agendas and subsequent agendas on others. I just don't read this as her being emotionally capable of being so manipulative or intentional.
That is true also, we all tend to project our own agendas on others but WAS in this instance would be no different.
I disagree. she's trying to figure out what she has left.
If she is talking with her friend about travelling and enjoying the company of other men, ie. (sex... shhhhhh!), I don't see how she is trying to figure out what she has left - explain that to me because I don't see it.
not that you're going to see my point, rob, but I think all that is still figuring out what she has left--of herself, of her attractiveness, of her own mojo.
listen, I'm just trying to tell you what I hear as a woman. and yeah, I'm totally the LBS, fyi--I'm not defending myself or any past bad behavior. Because I think it still comes down to (per Stosny) connecting with our own compassion, and then deciding how to respond. If that's ultimately saying "buh-bye you're completely irrelevant" then so be it, but one should consider the screen (anger, bitterness perhaps, rob?) through which we're filtering our input before making a response that affects The Rest of Their Lives for Themselves, as well as ourselves. Indeed it's unfortunate that Mrs. SP didn't do the same, but then it's not she who is posting on this board right now.
M60 H52 D20 M14 yrs OW-old gf from 1986 bomb-5/18/08 H filed for D-9/10/08 D final 4/24/09 xH remarried (not OW) 2012
I disagree. she's trying to figure out what she has left.
If she is talking with her friend about travelling and enjoying the company of other men, ie. (sex... shhhhhh!), I don't see how she is trying to figure out what she has left - explain that to me because I don't see it.
not that you're going to see my point, rob, but I think all that is still figuring out what she has left--of herself, of her attractiveness, of her own mojo.
listen, I'm just trying to tell you what I hear as a woman. and yeah, I'm totally the LBS, fyi--I'm not defending myself or any past bad behavior. Because I think it still comes down to (per Stosny) connecting with our own compassion, and then deciding how to respond. If that's ultimately saying "buh-bye you're completely irrelevant" then so be it, but one should consider the screen (anger, bitterness perhaps, rob?) through which we're filtering our input before making a response that affects The Rest of Their Lives for Themselves, as well as ourselves. Indeed it's unfortunate that Mrs. SP didn't do the same, but then it's not she who is posting on this board right now.
And you see hoosiermama, that is why I asked the question, looking for an answer. It could be the right or wrong answer, it could be a way for us to cope with our own feelings but at least you provided it. Thank you for sharing, it's not a bad viewpoint. I have read some of Stosny's teachings, he also is of the approach that you should leave the partner that doesn't value the other person's feelings, I'm pretty sure that is Stosny.
Whoa is all I could spell while on the phone w/my daughter.
I just read about the Stosny teachings. I found his description of "value" interesting, in re: leave your partner if they don't value your feelings.
It kinds of reminds me of SP and his W right now. Or me and my freakin' H.
OKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK I told you you sucked while "in it," but it really didn't, so WTH have I done NOW? I don't know how to come back, but kind of dig being "away."
That's a lot beyond the "whoa!"
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
