I am so sorry your MLC xH responded to you like that. I just don't get how into themselves they are. Mine thinks he's such hot stuff right now. He has ow who is fifteen years younger than him. Woopdedoo! She has no morals. I can't remember, did yours ever have ow?
I wish they could magically come out of it. Some do sooner than others. Some before a D some after. It's so sad for everyone involved.
I would go softly around him for a while. If he wants to flirt with you so be it. I would save any friendly flirting for someone who would appreciate it.
Life does go on and on and on doesn't it. I was just thinking the other day how long I have been going through this. It hasn't been easy, especially living in the same house. He just walked through in his underwear to get a drink in the kitchen. Then I get to wondering is he doing that to get a reaction out of me, or he just doesn't care. Maybe yours is trying to get a reaction out of you. I don't know. I do know I'm really mentally exhausted.
Orchid, you are amazingly strong. Look at what you just went through. I would think the hardest part was over.
Hey MJ....I don't know what I would do without you replying so consistently to me. Thank you.
I went to bed last night thinking I would just respond when he initiates...I was trying a 180 bc normally HE initiates.
Anyways, early this morning as I am getting ready for work, he calls!!! He says "I just wanted to apologize if I said something wrong last night. You hung up in a weird tone."
I was just going to let it go, but then I thought, I have nothing to lose...this man is lost to me. What more can go wrong?
So, I said " Well, I felt a bruised that you are not attracted to me and don't have those types of feeling towards me. I wasn't being overtly raunchy or anything, I thought I was being cute and sexy....and you told me basically to not bother. I'm a woman and it makes me feel bad that you responded in such a withdrawn manner."
He said "It's NOT that I'm not attracted to you. But, we are in a delicate place and I'm afraid that if I started exploring the sexual side of us, desire would cloud my judgement and I would HAVE no control and this would make me come back to you. I don't want to come back to you just for the sex."
I decided this is CRAP! Whatever! Give me a break. Thanks for being such a nice guy. But, guess what, you lost that title the day you handed me Divorce Papers.
I said " We are divorced and I don't think sex should be the only reason you come back to me. On the other hand, we have ignored each other for a very long time and if you are looking for some platonic relationship....I'm not! You'd better figure this part out quick. If we are supposed to be dating...people flirt! And the message you are giving me is "Don't". I didn't like it, but I can get over it. I know I'm attractive. I am working and part of the world and I see men reacting to me. But I was just trying to have some fun with YOU."
He said "I know. I am working on it. I feel like we haven't been this way in such a long time, I feel shy around you!"
I didn't know how to respond to this...so I just said, "well, we can work on this if you want." And then changed the subject.
I don't know how to respond to this or how to proceed. Part of me was thinking I would continue intermittently to initiate. At least it got us talking. He called me as I was leaving work to ask how my day was....I do NOT understand these MLCers. I find I need to be so much MORE grounded than normal and I'm pretty grounded NORMALLY. SIGH. I don't know...
I guess I will just play it by ear.....I hadn't thought about him "trying to get a reaction from me"...you have given me food for thought, MJ. Thanks...
I forgot to answer your question MJ...there is no OW as of yet...but who knows.....this whole thing started out bc a former "collegue" of his told him she had feelings for him and we had been apart for jobs and really NOT putting time or effort at all into our M and she pointed that out to him..... and he started thinking and VOILA! He starts thinking Divorce.
He says that there has been no one, but at this point....who knows MJ...most people on this blog are dealing with OW or OM...and I am learning that I do not trust anything right now. I have NO idea what may be in store for me in the future regarding this MLC man in my life. One day at a time though...
It sounds like things have turned around for you today. He is still showing interest in you, and cares about your feelings.
So there isn't another woman. That alone would give me some comfort. There is no one trying to convince him that he needs to stay away from you and to stay with her. All this convincing while she's all over him of course. WOW, what I wouldn't give. (sigh)
Your right... One day at a time. You never know what tomorrow holds. Maybe tomorrow will be the day we are all waiting for. The day of reckoning for all MLCers.
Journalling....there are days when I really think I'm going to go crazy...I feel totally emotional today and just...unstable. It feels like I go thru these waves of loss/grief...I have been focusing on exH all week. Its like I fell off the wagon or something...
I can't seem to stop focusing on him. I don't want to. Honestly, I just want to throw a tantrum and bawl and demand that he come back to me and give me back the life "we" had planned. I am getting angry inside that he is asking so much of me.......and that I am expecting so much of myself. I want to be with him and so the question is to what lengths am I willing to make sacrifices? I don't know and some days the sacrifices seem unending from my end. I know the focus is to be on ME...but, I think I feel lonely and I don't care about me. I will not and don't want to contact him, cuz what's the point...more vague conversations? This is not going to magically improve....and I think he thinks it will. Its really pisting me off.
I just have to get over the night and then its back to work tomorrow morning and I'm working thru the weekend, thank God!, no time to "think". I had today off and instead of relaxing and enjoying or just being productive, I overate, slept most of the day and got more emotional about my life. Sigh. When will this merry go round stop. I want off...please.
I can so relate to how your feeling. It sounds like you and I are in the same place right now. I want our life we planned back also. I always have three day weekends. There was a time I looked forward to them, but now I look at them as being three days of torture. H going in and out without me.
Sorry I'm not much help tonight. BUT, I can keep you company in this pit.
I did ok during the weekend, but I was working. A guy from work asked me out....freaked me out a bit cuz I found myself liking the attention. No, I do not even like this person, but I think I didn't care....I was just internally, subconsciously enjoying the feeling that if I wanted, the guy would pursue me full force. Ok that sounds very high on myself...I'm not....the guy is just being very obvious. He is not the type I would go for anyways. He doesn't know I'm divorced and he is still pursueing me. Haven't really said anything at work about all this.
Anyways, point being....I freaked myself out a little. Today was a day off and I slept in, spoke to a friend on the phone, and took a nap. Had a dream I was sleeping on the couch with exH like we used to do...SIGH....NOT GOOD!
Haven't heard a peep from him in a week or so. I feel angry again today. I hope I get over this. I turned my phone off and just left it in the bedroom. I keep looking at it as if magically he is going to know I have a day off and call...why would he. He wants this distance and he doesnt want to be responsible for checking in with me. OK...enough venting.
On the up side....I went out for dinner Friday night after work with a few friends from work and totally enjoyed myself. Its really nice to do that once in a while. And I am doing well at work, which is another plus right now. Also, my dad is finally STARTING to recover from his prostate surgery. Because he has has radiation in the past, his recovery pattern is different...longer, but he is improving and in good spirits. Both my siblings are happy and doing well in their marriages and at work.
I have a lot to be thankful for. I will focus on this and tonight I will start my studying for that test I have mid November! Starting today!
Honestly, I just want to throw a tantrum and bawl and demand that he come back to me and give me back the life "we" had planned.
Yes. I know that feeling. Had a bad case of it last Wednesday. I'm back to taking sleeping pills the nights I feel it welling up inside me. That's a weak way out, but hey, I get sleep out of it.
Me: 47, Ds 17-13, D final 6-11 http://tinyurl.com/yk4e2tz http://tiny.cc/thread2 http://tinyurl.com/ydtphqu http://tinyurl.com/thread4 http://tinyurl.com/3sm78k6 http://tinyurl.com/thread6
I'm so depressed today. About 10 min ago, exH called...I didn't hear the phone and he didn't leave a message.
I think going dark for one month is the right thing to do right now. He thinks he can have me whenever he wants.....and well....I've taught him, he can...
By the time he calls....its a week and I'm dying to talk to him and so I always take his call or call back within a few min...when I initiate contact -which has not been a lot, its mixed response from him....and now it starting to be frustrating cuz this is in now way finding our way back to each other. I want him to want me again. How is calling me and talking to me when HE feels like it, trying? How is talking to me once a week and living a million miles away, trying?
I think if I just dissappear for a month and not answer his calls or texts maybe it will help......I don't know....I'm out of ideas...I'm tired and depressed and angry and ..........this is all I can come up with...bc the current situation is not acceptable to me.
