She is scared SP and she does not know how to come back !
You want to save you M , you have to help her.
Been there as well. she is really hurting and trying anything to help her get tht control - i am doing the right thing feeling back.
My heart goes out to her.
I feel her pain
You want to save your marriage, you have to help her?
That's too open ended.
What must he do to save this marriage if there even is a marriage to save?
Mrs.SP originally leaves the marriage, has an affair with the OM, dating, sex, whatever else happened, etc.
SP stands up for himself finally and puts his foot down, instead of rolling over & dying (you never died SP, it felt like it but you're more like a phoenix rising from the ashes of something old into something new & much stronger). Instead of taking the $hit soup dish that his WAW wants to serve him, he sends it back to the kitchen and says "hey I changed my mind, I think I'll eat at another restaurant, I've been eating at this place for years and truth be told, the menu doesn't have variety, it's old, the food has no flavor and the service sucks and the prices are just too high." WAW is not used to this, her copy of the script didn't include SP standing up for himself and taking control of this situation. He starts improving his life by leaps & bounds almost to the tune of "my life is LA LA LA much better now than it ever was when I was married to her...", she notices this and then starts to 2nd guess herself, maybe she pulled the trigger to soon, she's conflicted, I want him back but I don't, I want this marriage but I don't want to be married to him, I want him again but I want other men.
She doesn't sound scared, she sounds like she doesn't know what she wants, the math doesn't make sense in her head anymore. Before she didn't want him but now she wants him but she had a taste of the other life and she wants that too but she can't have both but she can't make up her mind. She had the control, enjoyed the power, it was delicious for the time that she had it, he took control and it makes her feel the shakes, she got addicted to calling the shots and now she doesn't anymore and on top of that it makes her angry that SP is calling the shots when for so long he never did. This isn't right in her head, doesn't feel right, doesn't feel comfortable and she can't make it right. So what does she do, she rebels, starts being mean again, starts talking with certain friends that gave her ideas of the single life to begin with, she starts to get reinforcement of her original ideas because any type of idea from SP at this point will be rejected by her, he could tell her the sky is blue but she'll say it's red because everything in her doesn't want to agree with him because it doesn't feel right.
How does SP help her with such conflict in her head? And honestly I don't see that she is trying to get that "right thing" feeling back, if anything right & wrong and any definition of it doesn't even work in her head, she is pursuing feeling good, she isn't pursuing love or a relationship or committment and she continues to push him & test him to see when he will crack with her crazy marathon email & phone sessions with him. If SP's accounts of his interactions with his wife are accurate and I think we can assume they are for the most part, this is the picture that has been painted for me thus far.
Pollyanna, you say that he has to help her but she will reject his help because it comes from him. She's pushing him away again, I can feel it in the text. She is rebelling again. So what brings her back? Love languages? Making positive donations in the shared joint "love" account.
Seriously how does he help her and why does he have to help her?
Honestly she appears to very needy but in a weird way.
At this point I would probably just stop all contact with her for a bit, no more email interaction with her because it doesn't appear to be working, no more crazy phone calls and when she flies off the handle during any personal interactions with her, turn your back to her and walk away - don't reward her crappy bratty behavior with your attention.
