@polly: You want to save you M , you have to help her.
Probably. And someday in the future, distant or not-too-, I'm sure I'll regret this.
But I can't rescue her this time. @Kettricken is right -- she's got to figure out she's already dead. She's got to do the work.
I trust nothing. She will say or do anything. I see no changes greater than she apologized for cheating. She still flips out. She still attacks. She still takes everything personally. She still puts forth the proposition that it's all MY fault. She still revises history to her own purposes, even if "history" is 6 hours ago.
I mean, last week she was dragging the kids into the Grownup World. She was threatening them that their close friends' mother was "trying to get your Daddy a girlfriend."
She deposited $50,000 in my checking account -- "a paltry amount for all you've put up with" -- and then 2 days later transferred it back out -- "I'm getting off the Crazy Train."
She told her L to accept ANY offer my L made and then a day later told the L to accept NO offer and not to make ANY offer.
She asked me why I didn't reply to her email offering to suspend the D paperwork with the court. I told her I got no such email. "Oh, I must just have been thinking about it."
Some "high"lights from her latest dispatch from the Crazy Train:
1) She'll hurry her paperwork along because that "would make it easier for you to explore living arrangements, etc." In other words, for me to move to Europe and live with Miss Someone.
2) What she did with Signore is totally different, but that doesn't matter because I clearly never felt anything for WAW. "I f*cked someone 8 months ago and I would probably have done it again but for the fact that I clearly didn't "do it" for him. (Something you two have in common)."
3) "I also didn't involved the kids "who have hopes and dreams" and then deceive them when questioned." I honestly have no idea what she's talking about here, but I find this sudden concern about "the kids 'who have hopes and dreams'" almost charming.
Their "hopes and dreams" didn't matter much when she said, (verbatim cut-and-paste here from the first e-mail post-Bomb), "I already stayed for the kids! I first thought about this 2 years ago!!! And I decided I'd stay for the kids. But I can't do it anymore! I've just decided my happiness is more important than theirs. I suppose that sounds like a I'm a cold b*tch to you. Well I am. I don't care if they're happy if I'm UNHAPPY!!!!"
4) "Since you girlfriend is apparently a professional homewrecker, I don't see that she's much of an improvement on me." This one I adore. This one is magickal. "My girlfriend is...a professional homewrecker."
This, after she's had an affair, after she's lied about it, after she's dropped the bomb, after ILYBNILWY, after her repeated visits to Upstate City to visit Signore, this after filing divorce papers ("a person should never threaten divorce," she said at Not-Fab MC#1, "they should only say it if they intend to go through with it."), this after buying a new house, this after sitting her own children down and telling them she was divorcing their father, this after moving out -- it is I, Smiley's Person himself, who is responsible for the "home-wrecking."
5) Then we get to the sex. What was the big deal just because I never had a FlowBob after the 1994 midterm elections? She never did either! Um, what are you talking about? I went Downtown all the time. I told you half a million times it was no good.
Which was interesting. Because, in fact, she actually NEVER said that. Not once. Not about that. So that was a nice little revelation. Honesty is the best policy, I guess, so what I witnessed for roughly 22 years was her best When-Harry-Met-Sally.
So you're probably right, @polly. I probably need to swoop down like Superman and transform into Eating Crow man, and I probably need to wag my little tail and tumble around like a 2-month-old cocker spaniel, gosh-o-mighty-o-so-eager-to-come-around now that WAW has whistled, and isn't it keeno-swello-and-gosh-I'm-glad-you-came-around-and-what-can-I-do-to-make-you-happy?
But I ain't gonna do it. Because I can see what I'm going to get. And it isn't pretty. And I don't like train travel anyway.
I'm hopping the next White Ship into the fog. Miss Someone's got a nice sexy mojo. Tumbling around in the bedchamber is a fine thing. She lives 10,000 miles away for goodness sake. I'll take what I can get when I can get it. Sure, why not. "My girlfriend." Yeah. I can deal with that. I can have a girlfriend for a while. Nice change of pace.
And if need be, I'm canceling WAW's slot in prime-time. Because this is Coastal City, baby -- and WAW has clearly jumped the shark.
She is scared SP and she does not know how to come back !
You want to save you M , you have to help her.
Been there as well. she is really hurting and trying anything to help her get tht control - i am doing the right thing feeling back.
My heart goes out to her.
I feel her pain
You want to save your marriage, you have to help her?
That's too open ended.
What must he do to save this marriage if there even is a marriage to save?
Mrs.SP originally leaves the marriage, has an affair with the OM, dating, sex, whatever else happened, etc.
SP stands up for himself finally and puts his foot down, instead of rolling over & dying (you never died SP, it felt like it but you're more like a phoenix rising from the ashes of something old into something new & much stronger). Instead of taking the $hit soup dish that his WAW wants to serve him, he sends it back to the kitchen and says "hey I changed my mind, I think I'll eat at another restaurant, I've been eating at this place for years and truth be told, the menu doesn't have variety, it's old, the food has no flavor and the service sucks and the prices are just too high." WAW is not used to this, her copy of the script didn't include SP standing up for himself and taking control of this situation. He starts improving his life by leaps & bounds almost to the tune of "my life is LA LA LA much better now than it ever was when I was married to her...", she notices this and then starts to 2nd guess herself, maybe she pulled the trigger to soon, she's conflicted, I want him back but I don't, I want this marriage but I don't want to be married to him, I want him again but I want other men.
She doesn't sound scared, she sounds like she doesn't know what she wants, the math doesn't make sense in her head anymore. Before she didn't want him but now she wants him but she had a taste of the other life and she wants that too but she can't have both but she can't make up her mind. She had the control, enjoyed the power, it was delicious for the time that she had it, he took control and it makes her feel the shakes, she got addicted to calling the shots and now she doesn't anymore and on top of that it makes her angry that SP is calling the shots when for so long he never did. This isn't right in her head, doesn't feel right, doesn't feel comfortable and she can't make it right. So what does she do, she rebels, starts being mean again, starts talking with certain friends that gave her ideas of the single life to begin with, she starts to get reinforcement of her original ideas because any type of idea from SP at this point will be rejected by her, he could tell her the sky is blue but she'll say it's red because everything in her doesn't want to agree with him because it doesn't feel right.
How does SP help her with such conflict in her head? And honestly I don't see that she is trying to get that "right thing" feeling back, if anything right & wrong and any definition of it doesn't even work in her head, she is pursuing feeling good, she isn't pursuing love or a relationship or committment and she continues to push him & test him to see when he will crack with her crazy marathon email & phone sessions with him. If SP's accounts of his interactions with his wife are accurate and I think we can assume they are for the most part, this is the picture that has been painted for me thus far.
Pollyanna, you say that he has to help her but she will reject his help because it comes from him. She's pushing him away again, I can feel it in the text. She is rebelling again. So what brings her back? Love languages? Making positive donations in the shared joint "love" account.
Seriously how does he help her and why does he have to help her?
Honestly she appears to very needy but in a weird way.
At this point I would probably just stop all contact with her for a bit, no more email interaction with her because it doesn't appear to be working, no more crazy phone calls and when she flies off the handle during any personal interactions with her, turn your back to her and walk away - don't reward her crappy bratty behavior with your attention.
W is CLEARLY a mess. (shock!) She's just plain not good enough for you anymore. Does this woman never evolve? SHEESH!
She still digs you, a lot. Why? I ask... If you consistently went downtown w/the only response being that of "no good."
She's a freak.
Take a trip. Go see your girlfriend.
MB/MF...
PS - I'm still pulling for your freak of a wife. I think we'd be best of buds. Matching yoga gear, chaotic moods, flying cash and all! But, she has to make herself worthy.
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
W is CLEARLY a mess. (shock!) She's just plain not good enough for you anymore. Does this woman never evolve? SHEESH!
She still digs you, a lot. Why? I ask... If you consistently went downtown w/the only response being that of "no good."
She's a freak.
Take a trip. Go see your girlfriend.
MB/MF...
PS - I'm still pulling for your freak of a wife. I think we'd be best of buds. Matching yoga gear, chaotic moods, flying cash and all! But, she has to make herself worthy.
She is scared SP and she does not know how to come back !
That's how I'm reading it too. Your response is your choice. But she is terrified.
Or maybe just angry that her script didn't contain an accurate description of how SP's character was going to evolve into something different and that changes how the story was supposed to work out from her POV.
I disagree. she's trying to figure out what she has left.
If she is talking with her friend about travelling and enjoying the company of other men, ie. (sex... shhhhhh!), I don't see how she is trying to figure out what she has left - explain that to me because I don't see it.
