Guys I completely understand what you all are saying....(but not the veruca salt comment....I'll have to google that) but I'm at a point that I've made very clear to H....I'm ready to work on this WITH HIM. There are days when he's on board....then there are too many when seemingly he's not. Those days I just STFU and deal and wait it out.
I'm happy to make the changes I've made. They've benefit me beyond my wildest dreams....from home to work to friends to even tennis....but I can make every positive change possible and it won't matter one bit if (as it relates to my relationsip with H) he doesn't make one himself more over the many he needs to make.
If he's "working on things" great, work on it. I know he'll do it his way and I can see a few efforts, but then I see more of his old ways that helped to get us here.
For example, he has a blog....on it recently he wrote that he's a simple guy and simple things make him happy, like a good slice of pizza but the best thing is the smile from a pretty girl, THAT IS THE ABSOLUTE BEST!!!! Great. My H needs other women to smile at him and give him attention because why? Am I not enough? OK. Maybe I'm not right now, that just plain sucks--however I could deal....with the hope that one day, we could be in a place where each other is enough. But will I ever be enough? Will he ever not need the attention of other women?
Or--completely different direction--was he just being poetic and wasn't even aware of what he wrote? Possible. Who knows? The plan was to ignored it. The old Stronger would have flipped, called him screaming and told him to remove it. Didn't bother with it this time.
(His need and search for other female relationships is definitely a big part of why we are here. Once, he said I'm going to have to deal with that because he would always have such a relationship with at least one other woman besides me. Another time he said he was done with relationships with other women, co-workers and basic friends only and I would be it, his all and only for close female companionship. He's gone back and forth on it. I'm not even sure when we last spoke about it or why it came up but we've had that conversation more than once, and every time, it was calm and very productive.)
Cat, I have gone back and read/skimmed my posts. I do see progress. I appreciate it.
Beginner, I know he's a mess. Believe me, I know. When we talked about the conversation between the lawyers, he was apologetic then defensive. I don't know that I will ever not take some of this personally. Letting it go, not calling him was not an option. I did have to call him and figure this crap out because my lawyer was about to go on the billing clock as he was going to set up a hearing date per H's lawyer's firm proclamation that my H definitely wanted out and that my side needed to seek hearing dates to fight it out. Not really what I wanted to deal with while on vacation.
Also recently learned I lost out on a job I think I would have really enjoyed because during the basic search it was discovered that my H and I have a filing between us. I shouldn't have been surprised since it's online for anyone to see. I really wanted to just sit down and cry then. But why bother? It would have been a minimum 10 grand raise. That's just more salt...with a couple of pieces of glass.
