Journalling....there are days when I really think I'm going to go crazy...I feel totally emotional today and just...unstable. It feels like I go thru these waves of loss/grief...I have been focusing on exH all week. Its like I fell off the wagon or something...
I can't seem to stop focusing on him. I don't want to. Honestly, I just want to throw a tantrum and bawl and demand that he come back to me and give me back the life "we" had planned. I am getting angry inside that he is asking so much of me.......and that I am expecting so much of myself. I want to be with him and so the question is to what lengths am I willing to make sacrifices? I don't know and some days the sacrifices seem unending from my end. I know the focus is to be on ME...but, I think I feel lonely and I don't care about me. I will not and don't want to contact him, cuz what's the point...more vague conversations? This is not going to magically improve....and I think he thinks it will. Its really pisting me off.
I just have to get over the night and then its back to work tomorrow morning and I'm working thru the weekend, thank God!, no time to "think". I had today off and instead of relaxing and enjoying or just being productive, I overate, slept most of the day and got more emotional about my life. Sigh. When will this merry go round stop. I want off...please.
