I'm not sure I really care what happens or if we stay together.
I've made plenty of mistakes in our marriage and I want to keep up the changes in behavior for myself....but also I am beginning to see that the big "Separation" isn't hardly different than the supposed "Marriage" was.
Is it any wonder that I found it hard to appreciate him or treat him like the hero that a husband wants to be treated like?!? When was I ever treated as a wife?
I think it is very healthy to question whether it is best for you to be with him. I've often been so focused on trying to make the marriage work that I didn't spend enough time considering that it might be better if the marriage ended.
I don't have the link anymore, but a while back I copied this post from Kristi R.
Originally Posted By: Kristi R
I had someone say to me.."I realize you are putting in so much effort to save this marriage, but have you really asked yourself why. You stated yourself you were not happy either and that he wasn't there for you, so why are you fighting so hard".
He said, I think part of you is fighting so you don't feel like a failure. You don't want to fail in your marriage or be the rejected party in this. But is it really worth it. What if he comes back, what will happen. Will things really be different? Will he be able to make you happy. Or will you just feel better because you won't feel like you failed?"
That really got me thinking. What am I fighting for. Don't get me wrong. I love my husband. And I remember that there were great times. But he wasn't there when I needed him. He hurt me bad. YOUR husband, the man you loved, trusted, believed in, hurt you without thought. IS he really worth spending your time and energy on. OR is it the fact that you don't want to lose..
One way or another its going to hurt. But isn't it time that we stop giving them the power. I am not ready to give up either. I am so much like you it is scary.
It is so much easier said than done. But I will tell you I am starting to wonder WHAT AM I FIGHTING FOR????
