MLCers have what I referred to as "pockets of sanity". Fleeting moments when they know something serious is going on with them and that they are behaving very badly and making very bad decisions that they might not be able to undo. Those moments don't come in the beginning of a MLC though. They begin well into the ride, when the consequences start raining down. Still, denial remains the strongest player in the MLC. And keeping the mirror on everyone and everything but themselves allows the MLCer to blame everyone and/or everything BUT themselves.
It's the emotional stuff that they can't even explain to themselves that causes the withdrawal. The other person enters as a distraction, a band-aid if you will. Something, anything, to make them "feel" better. Most of the time, those people end up to be collateral damage. Innocent bystanders (although of questionable morals many times) that get swept up in the storm. They are not the root of the problem. They are a symptom.
Amy40, your posts really resonate with me. I'm relatively new in the S and DB process, but because I'm older than most here, I think my perspective is a bit less emotional or reactive, and more reflective. What you've said on this thread is so true to my experience with, and my gut understanding of, this process. I look forward to hearing more of your wisdom.
J3B weighed in early on my thread that I seemed really well grounded. Now that I've seen more of him here and on recent threads, I realize what a compliment that was. Thanks, J, but don't abandon me yet!
Sorry for the hijack, drewnole. You do seem to be doing really well. Keep moving forward. There is so much help here.
M 65 H 64 T 39 & M 36 @ S 12/08 Two Ds
Do you know that the harder thing to do and the right thing to do are usually the same thing? Nothing that has meaning is easy. ~ The Weather Man
