I feel so-so today. I let myself become more hopeful, but need to stay rooted in reality. My wife and I had some nice emails today. Not anything to be excited about, but coordial.
We have mediation on Monday and I am stressing about that. I don't want to do it...but this isn't about what I want...
I spent a lot of time focusing on what I wanted. Even when my wife was in agreement or approved of whatever it was (where we went to dinner, where we lived, etc...) I still was more focused on me. Hindsight is 20/20 and that is so sad. live and learn, etc... yawn..
I hope that I can continue to have hope, but not let it cloud my reality. It seems so tough to balance that. I don't want to lose hope, but I also have nothing tangible to hang onto.
I continue to realize that eitherway, I need to move on. I need to know I will be okay. The selling of our new home is just the loss of a "thing" and not something that is of value to me when compared to my family.
Each day is another step. Each day is a little easier. I don't think I cried today. That is a good thing. The day isn't over yet, and I plan to watch Fireproof tonight, so that might change. The movie was recommended to me by a close family member who is helping me through this difficult time. Even if I don't have a chance to try the 40-day love challenge with my W, I will have the knowledge for the future. Just like so many other things I have typed...I am typing them to help myself believe that they are true.
I still want my wife, but have let the "rope" go and am not hanging on, at least in her eyes, anymore.
To say this is tough, well, it is a HUGE understatment.
