New here, this is my story...

[sandi2]

I am impressed with what you have said in your last three posts! Even though you are dealing with some tough issues, I still see little positive things happening with your W. I see some big positive things happening with you. I'm sure you may not "feel" so much that way, but I truly blieve you are making huge strides to make great changes.

I'll try not to make this too long, but in response to regrets and forgiving......I believe that our self "will" has to do that before we have the emotion. In other words, if we try to forgive ourselves and wait to see if we feel differently after we say we're doing it......more than likely we won't be able to tell any difference in our feelings. So, then we are back to square one. Forgiving ourselves is based on the same principle as forgiving another person. I think forgiveness is a picture of "grace". If we base our decision up whether or not a person deserves to be forgiven....or if they should try to earn our forgiveness.....it won't happen b/c they'll never reach that place. We must forgive b/c of who & what we are...not them. See what I mean? That is how God does it. And, I'm not comparing us to God, but He set the pattern for us.

Forgiving ourselves, I have found, it harder. Maybe b/c we are our own worst enemy....IDK. But the same principle applies. We make a decision to forgive ourselves and even though we don't "feel" forgiven, we decide based upon our "will" not "feelings" and everytime your emotions try to tell you that you've not forgiven yourself, you say, "Yes I have chosen by my own free will to forgive myself". Then don't linger on those thoughts of the past and move on.

I learned about that when I was studing about the difference of "feeling" that God had forgiven us, and "believing" He had forgiven us. Big difference! Our feelings are very fickle. After time, the emotions will finally follow.....but it does seem to take a long time with ourselves.

Regret......is really a waste of time. However, I suppose most people do regret a few things. To me, the important factor is to learn from our mistakes and don't repeat them. We could drive ourselves nuts by thinking of the past and drown ourselves with regrets, but as I've said before, there is nothing we can do to change the past and no matter how sorry we are about it......it still doesn't change one little second of time. So, it is wasting the present time to fill it up with regrets.

I have seen elderly people live out their last years with so much regret. They spend their days going down memory lane and "regretting". What a sad way to live! Please don't do this to yourself. Make up your mind that you have learned from the past and that lesson will make your future better than it "would" have been if you had not learned anything. I guess my "reasoning" doesn't make much sense at times, but we all have to figure out a way to live with ourselves & our mistakes, AND with other people & their mistakes!

Again....I think you are becoming a person who one day will be a great role model for another...(or many) person(s).