You should make a communication plan. Decide how you want to handle specific topics. Know if you get defensive and learn how to stop that. Do not try and fix anything. This is mars and venus stuff, Mr Gray has a lot to say about this.
I am in a situation like yours my wife told me everything I need to make progress but only after I learned how to listen. I do not mean literally. I am telling you the male filter is there and you have acknowledge it. I am a technical person and my job is to solve problems, it is very linear; this is not natural for me. I am good at fixing things, but I fall down here.
I know this sounds non-masculine but journaling helps me. If you live with her then you have to be careful because you may write stuff down you would not her to read. I know I would not want her to read what I wrote. Lock it up if you have to.
I plan my reactions ahead of time based on our past and I know how I want to behave in certain situations. After a while, it becomes natural. At first, she will notice the difference and you have mentioned that she has. This is good, after a while you wont think about it and she will accept it as the new you.
This small talk is good, that means at some level she is trying to connect with you. When a woman starts asking you questions she may want you to ask her some. You have to know what to ask though. You are communicating like a man to another man. You have chance to show her appreciation for paying child care, to show her you care by wishing that she gets better. Asking you if you were angry and you were clearly not, man that is a big one. I would have trouble deciding where to go with that one, there are so many directions. The most obvious question would be are you upset that you have to leave?
That brings up another point, look for the opportunities to keep silent and to speak and act. You would be surprised at how much opportunity you have to show her you love her. I am seperated, so I have to make all our time count. I guess that is undivided attention and being in the moment and available.
It sounds like you are doing some good things. Keep it up.
