For those with a WAS...How do you cope?

[LuLu]

I completely understand not telling your friends. It's nice to not have to talk about our crazy selfish husbands. I get it completely. I, like you, find myself lately not talking about it because I just need a break. I've gotten to the point where I say just that, "I'm tired of thinking/talking about it, let's talk about something else". You are so right. You have to be careful with who you tell. Their opinions can definitely affect you.

You are also right about the PI/detaching. You are doing the healthy thing and taking care of you which is most important right now. Your little one needs you happy (at least faking it) & healthy.

As for how I am when he comes over, he usually comes when dinner is ready or I'm cooking. Lately, I have had the radio on while I'm cooking and sometimes while we eat (180 for me). I sing, I dance, I whistle, I hum, I'm playful with the girls, I smile & giggle with them. The girls are always so happy to see Daddy. I join in sometimes and say, Yay, Daddy's here. I never start any conversations with H though. I let him initiate all conversations. Total 180 for me because I'm a talker. When he talks, I listen. I give him eye contact, I acknowledge and empathize with what he says but don't tell him what to do (I'm a fixer too).

After dinner, I get busy. I let him hang with the girls. I do something, anything. I usually leave but if I don't, I go to my room or do some chores, or read (internet, books, magazine etc) or talk on the phone. I try to be in a good mood or at least pretend to be.

I had to try something different because what I was doing wasn't working. Honestly, I think that's why I'm so interested in your sitch. I saw myself right there. One year later and right there where you are now. I know it for a fact.

I will warn you, it all seems so contrived at first. It gets better though, I promise. The conversations start to seem more natural and so do you.

As for the contact, I think the big thing is to not jump to his beckon call and don't initiate contact. You are BUSY remember? You will get a feel for what is comfortable and what is working for you. I think you're doing good though. Keep up the good work. You seem different from even a week ago. Different is good!

Definitely bring back the fun, flirty, responsible wild child Court! She wants to come out and play