You've been doing what you are accusing her of doing. If you think it is/was in the better interest of the kids to have more of you, then you should be on that like a fly on sh*t regardless of DBing (some might disagree but I don't see how)...for you to go this long as is and then try to vie for my time because she wants a divorce seems disingenuous. Regardless if you believe it is better, check yourself, run it by a pro (not just us shmos here) and then act on it.
I ta;lk about it a lot with IC. I've gone through different periods and tried different approaches. fpor a while I was hanging around the house all the time and that really worked. Then things got weird and I backed off for a while. I tried to do more over the phone. I tried to shuttle them to activities. Tried a bunch of things. What I've concluded is that I need to be closer so that's the reason for same school attendance zone. I can be close but not have to spend too much time the other house which can be awkward. I hope to find a place soon.
This stuff would sort out pretty fast if the marriage ended...I hope to save it though and in the interim it is hard to figure out how far to push
Being present for your children is about your emotional commitment, not just time. Separation and divorce comes at a high cost, as you know. What and when are the kids the most comfortable and secure? I doubt it is when they are shuttled all over the place. But I don't know. My kids are so discombobulated just having Mommy's place and Daddy's place. Maybe some of this is incremental and changes over time.
The kids, what is going suit and serve them best? Not what is going to make you feel like a better dad or "blessed" to have them...or what makes W feel like she won and is making you pay etc.
