Mine moved out as well today....no emotion on her part. I left this morning and we'll see what the place looks like when I get home. I am going to re do it my own way ASAP and let her know this is my place now and set it up like I want it!!
Seriously, you and I are both in tough spots. Sounds like you handled it real well. You are standing up tall for yourself and your boys. I don't know what advice to give you for your boys...mine are 5 and 3 and not mature enough to really grasp what is happening.
Be proud.
M 33, W 30, SD 10, D 5, S 4
Made it through the WAW, living happily together now. And I am much wiser for it!
Bad news is that, after discussions with the attorney, he and I felt it best to enter into temp birds nest like agreement.
You are not paying the L to feel. Strong and confident. "I have decided that I am not going to move out of the house afterall." She even blasted you for letting someone else think - make decisions for you. It's not attractive.
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She told me that I was an adult and nobody should tell me what to do. Well, I guess I play by the rules..... She is the one that isnt.
Show me the rulebook you are using. You aren't sticking to the game plan.
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she continues to hurl the insults my way. I accept this is part of the process, but it doesnt feel good.
It's not part of the process. She doesn't repspect you and you aren't doing anything to stop her.
"Wife, I understand you are upset but every time you insult me or try to run me down, I am going to point it out to you and I will stop the conversation. When you are acting like a adult then we can talk again."
You call her on the behavior don't make it personal.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Coach, you are absolutely correct that it wasnt attractive. Infact, as the words left my mouth, I regretted it. It would have been best handled in a manner that you suggested. She doesnt respect me and probably hasn't for some time. It is a pity to figure that out now, but not to late to make the right change for me. Should she see it it great, if not, it will make me a better person.
This week will be about me and my relationship with my two sons.
ME 41, Her 41 M 18.5 years T 19.5 years s - 12, 10 Bomb 7/12/09 Inhouse Seperation 7/13/09 - 10/1/09 She moved out 10/1/09 - present
It's not part of the process. She doesn't repspect you and you aren't doing anything to stop her.
SSGA, I'm agreeing totally with Coach on this. She can hurl the insults all she likes, but you don't have to accept them and let them slide. An insult is an affront not only to your manhood, but your fatherhood. Think about it.
Equal rights is all well and good, but I believe women are genetically predisposed to be attracted and respectful to a strong man who can show leadership.
Show her some!
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
Mishka, I think that started tonight. She had the discussion with Children about the seperation (I was present.) I listened and made sure there was no hint of agreement on my part. I asked if they had any questions. She had to own up to moving out, to renting an apartment etc. Thankgoodness the boys were not devestated, but they asked they could live with me. Should have seen the look on W face.
I am sure something about tonight could have been better, but it was an improvement over the past.
From this point forward it is about me being a man and owning that. I started a class at church last week about how to be a man in today's feminised society, how to do it in a Chistian way, but how to take control and be strong. I think it will be very helpful.
More on it later.
ME 41, Her 41 M 18.5 years T 19.5 years s - 12, 10 Bomb 7/12/09 Inhouse Seperation 7/13/09 - 10/1/09 She moved out 10/1/09 - present
Sounds like a very interesting class. I'd love to hear more about it. Is it a class from an origanized group (like Lifeway) or something your church put together on their own?
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
Well, Friday morning and she just left. As much as I would like to say that I am strong and hanging in there, this is more tough than I thought it would be. I am sure I will pull it together before the boys come home from school. I did not let her see me shed a tear, nor did I show emotions. For those who have been in this sitch, should I expect to hear from her, or will she go dark and enjoy this new found freedom?
ME 41, Her 41 M 18.5 years T 19.5 years s - 12, 10 Bomb 7/12/09 Inhouse Seperation 7/13/09 - 10/1/09 She moved out 10/1/09 - present
I hate to say it, but she will probably go pretty dark on you. You might be expecting her to contact the kids daily, but don't count on it. She may be pretty wrapped up in selfishness right now and the kids will come second to her own wants for a little time. Just expect nothing and don't hang on for crumbs that she might throw you now and then.
I only have experience of a WAH so I may not be the best person to say all of this. We women are a pretty complicated species as a whole, but one who would walk away from her family is a rare breed indeed!
What do you have plans to do this weekend? If don't have any plans, MAKE SOME! POST HASTE!!! There are a whole bunch of festivals this time of year all over the state. Pack the kids into the car and go to one or two.
Last edited by mishka422; 10/02/0902:15 PM. Reason: entered too fast!
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
Get that emotion out by yourself - away from the boys and, obviously away from W. Don't fight it, just let it go. Then, get back with the program. And you will probably have to do this a few times, and that's OK.
This is where you have to put your focus on (1) the boys and (2) yourself. You have to stop worrying about what SHE daoes/doesn't do, says/doesn't say, thinks/doesn't think. These are all based on making her the focus, which will not help you.
GAL'ing is HUGE right now. Staying busy will help you keep your mind occupied in a positive way. It's when you are idle and have nothing else to focus on that the bad thoughts will creep in. Pray, a LOT. It WILL help.
And have faith - God has a plan in all of this. And, I don't think he is leading you down a path to end up being unhappy in the end. Whether M works out or not, I have faith he is leading you (and me) down paths to happiness like we have never known. If you have faith in that (and I truly believe that) then as painful as things are right now, there is light at the end of the tunnel. We just have to find the strength to make that first step on the journey out of that tunnel.
You can do this. You have a lot of folks pulling for you.
