I ditto what luvhubby and Crazy-Jimmy said. Your husband has some valid arguments and God love him for getting it out but you can't let it cause you to swing the pendulum from one end to the other. Sometimes a 180 in behavior isn't what is needed at all. Compensate honey, find a middle ground you can both live with but don't give up something you need cause like Crazy said, it's going to build resentment. Then you guys are knee deep in "sheet" again, only this time you are the one feeling angry and dismissed and he is the one feeling like things are going well.
He has some understandable feelings and you need to validate them. It isn't written anywhere that just because he is feeling certain things you have to give up important parts of your life. This board is about finding solutions to problems that keep both parties satisfied. It isn't about giving up so the other can be happy. I'm sure your husband understands that and doesn't want you sacrificing. More than likely he just wants you to listen.
You are one of the most emotionally insightful people I have run across on this board. You seem to be able to focus in on other people's problems and discern answers where even they have been blind. Take that talent and use it in your own situation.
Quote: Hoops, kids. I don't think our issue is about sex and it never has been. It's about jumping through an endless stream of hoops
Is it about hoops or is it about helping your husband identify and express what he needs from you. He seems to be on the defensive right now and is probably feeling pretty frustrated. After that last exchange you have two poeple feeling defensive. The good thing here is that, one of them has enough insight into human behavior to recognize that and work toward finding an answer to the problem that will mean both people can have their needs met.
I cruise these boards every day looking for you. I learn from you and would terribly miss not being able to read you. This seems to be something you find great pleasure in Corri. Please don't deprive yourself of it before putting more thought into find a better answer to the problems. Cathy tolemakr@comcast.net
