Thanks Dia! -- Regarding the condo, this is an ok time to sell since the mkt has turned and inventory is low. I told my W two weeks ago that with the equity we would get, we could turn around and buy a brand new house (not condo) like she has always wanted. (Maybe not in development she wanted, but you gotta start somewhere.) She seemed to pause and consider that momentarily, but that was when she was still wrapped up in the SA.
One concern I have now is what she will do with her half of the condo sale. I mentioned she's a spendthrift. Virtually her whole wardrobe no longer fits. She has also mentioned taking her and kids 200 miles away where the OM lives. Since the breakup of the SA, she justifies it by saying she will be an outcast in our town/family once everyone finds out. (I'm trying my hardest not to tell a soul.)
Another concern I have is that after 2 pregs and 3 kids she is looking into plastic surg. When I was snooping (done with that!) I uncovered a referral for breast lift and tummy tuck. That's something she's mentioned in the past, and I was OK with it, but I'm afraid she is so depressed after the end of the SA, and has lost her self-esteem, that she may spend the condo proceeds on that. Before the SA, I would've supported it 100%. Heck, since the S I've even considered getting my ears pinned (something that's bugged me my whole life since they stick out a bit). Now I'm concerned any plast surg will feed her romance addiction and give her hope that the New Her may yet convince the OM to leave his suicidal W.
Despite the SA, I'm beginning to get psyched up to fight as hard as I can for my marriage. I give us a 1-2% chance because it is in her hands. But I'm doing the right thing by 180/detaching right now, and being the kindest spouse (but not a doormat) and the best dad I can be.
I know at somepoint I need to explain to her how I've contributed to our S, so she knows I get it. But I need to find out where in the process that should occur.
