My Intro: Thanks for Reading!

[RedSoxFan]

Oh my, this is a hot one for me. Everyone on the board talks about the WAWs dealing with the financial ramifications of their decision to leave/divorce but really I'm eventually probably going to get hit just as hard as if I had walked away, had an affair etc because I have been so dependent for so long.

Exactly A&K, There's already an assumption in this equation that we all take a hit financially. No way around it.

My sad and empathetic self wants to say you should suffer and take at least some of the hit. My objective self thinks divorce is divorce and sucks, you should be fair and honest but still take care of yourself.

So right now we are in an unrealistic state of limbo. It's not real. My life isn't real. I can't provide a comparable home and quality of life on my end to what W has now.

So are you saying because of my mistakes I should endure that? If so, is it fair to me, really? Is it fair to Ds? How long do I do it? What are the appropriate terms? Do I concede custody and give up time with the girls because their other environment is better?

My sitch may be different because I have been primary care giver for so long. I think you should consider what the arrangement was prior to your leaving and what it has been since (a year sets a precedence)...why would what you have lived with for a year no longer be acceptable? Just as she has to learn to not make it about the two of you and your drama, you need to as well (I know that is why you are posting and you are cognizant of that). But, why should it change now, other than that she has refused your offer to reconcile?

Because whats happening now is wrong. Nothing that happened in the past make the current arrangement right. I'm willing to go a long long way but I'm not willing to give up my role as father of my children. Dispite my many flaws and mistakes I think my being an equal force and presence in their lives is highly desirable.

Overall, divorce (at least in my state) is a very cut and dry mathematical and logistical process. Fairness may or may not be accounted for. Go see a L, actually two. See what you are theoretically entitled to (varies depending on the L so get a rough idea)...and work from that.

Got that covered. Generally speaking we both come in equal in terms of requirements for custody. But as is the case in many states if you haven't settled before walking into a court room its hard to predict where things will end up.