If we're not going to be together long-term then our lives cant continue as-is under the current financial arrangements. I can imagine any pressure about this would make her feel very resentful of me for leaving. It's really hard to know what to do. I feel like I'm being held hostage. I know that sounds lame and whinie since I caused the mess.
Oh my, this is a hot one for me. Everyone on the board talks about the WAWs dealing with the financial ramifications of their decision to leave/divorce but really I'm eventually probably going to get hit just as hard as if I had walked away, had an affair etc because I have been so dependent for so long.
My sad and empathetic self wants to say you should suffer and take at least some of the hit. My objective self thinks divorce is divorce and sucks, you should be fair and honest but still take care of yourself.
My sitch may be different because I have been primary care giver for so long. I think you should consider what the arrangement was prior to your leaving and what it has been since (a year sets a precedence)...why would what you have lived with for a year no longer be acceptable? Just as she has to learn to not make it about the two of you and your drama, you need to as well (I know that is why you are posting and you are cognizant of that). But, why should it change now, other than that she has refused your offer to reconcile?
Overall, divorce (at least in my state) is a very cut and dry mathematical and logistical process. Fairness may or may not be accounted for. Go see a L, actually two. See what you are theoretically entitled to (varies depending on the L so get a rough idea)...and work from that.
