The poop hit the fan tonight, kids, and everything I thought I knew I now no longer know. Which leaves me drifting and more perplexed than I was at the height of our madness. It's okay, life always throws us curves, and I'm sure I'll figure this one out, as I am a tenacious B!TCH, if not an intelligent one.
I asked my H tonight why he has stopped initiating sex with me. Wow, what an answer I got. Ready for this?
Since I quit my job in June, he has felt unappreciated, taken advantage of, and not welcome in his own home, especially in the last three weeks. Let's see; we went to a tailgate party three weeks ago, at which I ignored him the whole time we were there. Two Friday nights ago he came home from the worst week of his life at work and I had fixed dinner for everyone but him (though I have to say in my own defense that on that particular Friday, he went out after work with his co-workers for drinks, and didn't know what time he was going to be home, but it wouldn't be late. Doi. What was I thinking). Which was bad enough, but then I didn't even offer to make him something after he informed me that he had not eaten!
In the past three weeks I've turned him down once for sex.
Then there's the dog. I got the dog when he emphatically told me he didn't want one.
The clencher, though, is that I am spending way too much time on these boards, telling you all too much about my life, our details, and then on top of all that, I put my URL address on my profile for a day so that anyone who cared to look would know exactly who I REALLY am... and hence, with a little digging on all your parts, you would be able to discern who HE is!
He feels ignored, jealous and embarassed by my deed, word and action. Now granted, I had to drag all of this out of him because he didn't feel he needed to share this information with me as things never change and he should never expect otherwise.
I'm sure it is crystal clear to all of you what a derranged, out-of-control woman I am.
Well, sheet, and all this time I thought things had been going along pretty good. Thought we had made some significant strides. What the hell was I thinking? So I ask him how he'd like to resolve these issues. Why was his anger so deep? What would he like to see change? He couldn't answer the question. He just again spewed forth. So I let him. I told him I was sorry, I didn't realize I was being inconsiderate of his feelings, and I certainly did not do it intentionally. And then I asked him again how he'd like for me to resolve his concerns.
He said there wasn't anthing I could do, it's just the way things are. It's just the way I am.
Hoops, kids. I don't think our issue is about sex and it never has been. It's about jumping through an endless stream of hoops.
So I've come to say good-bye. I will tap out my web pages by day, and welcome my H home with open arms each night. There will be nothing here by me to cause him any angst in the future. I've got kids to raise and the fight has gone out of the dog. It's a hell of a thing to feel your spirit break.
Though I shall miss you all dearly.
Sooner, you hang in there with your wife. It may take some time and a good counselor or two, but when she gets a new job and your kids get a bit older, she'll come around. It's worth the wait. I promise.
Aching Man, stay cool. Print that list I made for you a few weeks back. Funny movies, a good counselor, and some boundaries, man. You've been in the game too long to quit now.
Cathy47, I leave the torch to you. Burn bright, write tight. There is life after divorce. Match.com, baby HO baby!
Jiji, enjoy the new house, girl. Talk with your H. He'll hear you. Some things just have to be said regardless of how red our faces get. Oh, and yes, my mother's side of the family hailed from England a few generations back. I'm sure they were from Yorkshire.
GraniteRose, stay patient and encouraging. The man is on the brink of taking a trip through his own personal hell for you. That's a lotta love.
Luvhubby, congrats on that baby, woman. Throw up in honor of me a few times.
MPT -- work it, baby, work it!
NOPkins, that monkey ain't dead fella. It might fall asleep from lack of use sometimes, but it ain't dead til it's six feet under.
Patsi, don't go astray. If you feel you are at that point, just end the marriage. The dishonesty and pain an affair can cause is not worth it. Stay in your marriage and work on it, or get out and create a new life for yourself. But making mischief while sitting on the fence will only cause you to fall off and seriously hurt yourself. BJs for everyone!!
Crazy Jim -- stay crazy. Shake 'em every way including loose.
Cloudnine -- I wish you the best. You are at the most difficult crossroad a person can reach, I think. Be still and find your center. Every answer you need in life is there inside yourself. It's just a matter of asking the right question, and then opening your heart to hear the answer. Don't fall off that bike, hear?
And everyone else, I wish you the best. Life is a tough row to hoe. Too much rain or too much sun will spoil the yield. It takes a balance of both rain and sun for the bounty, yes?
