8 months into it, first post

[Phoenixdeux]

I'm days behind, so this could be repetitive for you. You have been given great advice already so this may not add much.

First, you weren't wrong to bring up seeing the OM's truck or thinking that her life was not your business. This is a woman that floated the idea of reconciliation. In order for you to ever trust that, she has to give up OM entirely (she has to quit him cold turkey) and be transparent. She wasn't up for that. I would bet you money that she knew you were dating and that prompted her sudden desire for reconciliation. Where does it stand now? Is she just waffling back and forth? I would say that if she floats the idea again, I would be very non-commital (ie "I will think about this.")

Secondly, you were right not to let things go anywhere with OW. I'd say that you should definitely keep it more friendly so as not to hurt her. Besides, as Sandy said, you really can't move from one relationship to another. Keep dating her to a minimum and focus more on your own life. Try to get out with the guys. Maybe look around a bit. Flirt. Just try to continue on with the confidence boosters. While you are focused on yourself, it's okay to ask whether your wife brings anything to the table. It does sound like she's at least making some effort, ala the meds, and that's a decent sign. Many of the WAWs only see this as a problem with their spouse. Keep an open mind about her....but make her SHOW you, rather than just TELL you.

P.S. I would let her delay it...or at least provide the opening to delay the divorce. Many see divorce as the end all...I see it as just a piece of paper stating in writing what was probably already true...you are divorced. Doesn't mean that you can't be together again. When you quit worrying about a piece of paper, it's easier to be more comfortable and less stressed out and desperate.