After 30 Years!

[Lost Rabbit]

Thanks for the support Cas, sorry I didnt say hi early you snuck in between posts!

What on earth are you even planning to ask H if it's OK to wear your wedding ring for?? Why have you even taken it off?? What is wrong with you?? That's is YOUR ring and you are STILL married. If you want to wear it girl, you go right ahead and who gives a hoot who says or thinks anything of it ... that's your right as a married woman, which you STILL ARE. Don't you dare ask H for permission ... [said with a smile but hands on hips and a stamp for effect]!!

Totally understand what and why you are saying this! A bit more explanation is needed. Not sure if I journalled this but in the two and half months before H left, we were invited to a party of an old friend who was also my bridesmaid, me in my embarrassment of all that was happening decreed WE as in me, H and S shouldnt go! Didnt want to go with H not wearing his wedding ring and as wedding ring mark is still evident lots of tittle tattle! He had kept leaving it off at my parents 50th wedding anniversary party the week before so I knew he would do his best to make a statement of it! H went out for the day to do something else then went behind my back to the party and I was left hanging high and dry not knowing where he was and not able to track him down because I knew it wouldnt only make things worse, he finally rang me at two in the morning and in a stroppy fourteen year old boy way said I didnt phone you because of where I was and you could have phoned me! It still leaves a nasty taste in my mouth, he tried to pretend it had been an impromptu thing but it was what it was he went behind my back and did what he wanted like a petulant school boy! It was only three nights since I had start taking my tablets and I felt thoroughly dumped and let down, he lost my trust, love and admiration all in one foul swoop that night! The upshot of it was I took my wedding ring off and havent worn it since!

Thing is I dont want him to believe I am wearing it or asking him to go with me to cover up the embarrassment of it all, I am proud/no longer frightened to say that I am fighting for my marriage, that I have made a lot of mistakes and Im trying to change for the better for me and hopefully to win H's love back. I just think that a funeral is totally the wrong place to make a statement about us and neither was a party but then I didnt HE did, although I dont think he said anything him being there without me was statement enough! and to add insult to injury he told my friend I was busy with the horse, bet she felt fantastic knowing that! ARrrhhh this digs up sore ground not sure how to handle it and I know its certainly gonna have to be talked about at some point with H if we reconcile!

Anyway hope that makes more sense and perhaps between us all we can find a way to ask for what I want without it appearing wrong I dont want to not go to this funeral like I didnt go to the party out of embarrassment!