My Intro: Thanks for Reading!

[RedSoxFan]

All,

I need some guidance. After walking out on W and while currently staying distant and detaching, I want to not make her feel vulnerable, insecure or abandoned financially but I also want to be fair to me. Currently I am giving W about 1/3 of my net income which essentially covers mortgage on the house. We both have decent incomes mine is a bit higher.

Our email exchange today

W: Is there any chance you could pay half of the [kids activity fee ] deposit that is due October 15? I had to pay the kids school fees this month too and put lunch money in their acounts.

RSF: Sure, how much? Can we sit down and do some financial planning this weekend or early next week? My finances are really tight and I don’t have much wiggle room. I need to plan.

W: That's okay. I'll just put in on my credit card. I'm not sure how to do any financial planning at this point. i have my regular bills plus anything that comes up with dance, school and doctors.

So what should I do here? She probably feels horrible about having to ask me. But I'm also covering a lot of costs outside the 1/3 of my income I'm sending over. How do I get to a place that works for both of us without making her feel bad.

Planning would be easy if we were together

If we're not going to be together long-term then our lives cant continue as-is under the current financial arrangements. I can imagine any pressure about this would make her feel very resentful of me for leaving. It's really hard to know what to do. I feel like I'm being held hostage. I know that sounds lame and whinie since I caused the mess.