My Intro: Thanks for Reading!

[billclay18]

The point I didn't get across so well was that W felt that I took a lot from her when I left the family and that time I spend with Ds is taking away from whats rightfully hers. She feels it wouldn't be fair if I had 50/50 custody because I'm taking the kids from her and that is wrong after everything else that I did. I think the point is that she's just really hurt badly and not quite seeing things clearly. She is normally always a fair person especially when kids are involved.

Yes, what you did was wrong. Yes, you hurt her. Yes, you took a lot from her. Maybe there was a human connection. None of that has to do with the R you will have with your D's from here on out. Your W won't see it that way which is certainly understandable, but don't let her pain or your guilt lead you to give in on something that will affect your R with your D's for years to come and don't give in on something with the hopes it will bring your W back. You have no control of that. You do however have control of how big a part you are of your D's lives. Don't risk one for the other.

As for custody, we both basically work from home and offer similar things. We're both great parents. It would just be a knock down drag out fight if either of us chose to not settle with the other.

Doesn't need to be...let a mediator handle it.

I'll share with you another time about exactly what my ex asked for in the D and what she got. I separated the emotional and business end of it, got the best possible outcome and must say I'm the poster boy for divorced dads.

Look forward to hearing more on that later.

When my exW filed for D, she wanted full custody of our D11, 20% of my net income in child support (back then around $900/mth), she wanted the house & half my retirement accounts. After we had our custody agreement signed and in place, she still wanted 20% of my income, even though we had 50/50 shared custody and our incomes were relatively close.

I had a great lawyer, did my homework and knew what was fair and right. I compromised on the little things but held my ground on the big issues. Here's how it turned out:

50/50 shared custody
I got the house (paid her $50k to buy her out)
judge awarded me $2500 from HER retirement account (1/2 the difference between mine and hers)
judge awarded her $162/mth in child support

She was greedy (and angry because I spoiled her plan to be with OM)...I was fair...judge saw it that way.

The point is although I still loved my W and wanted to reconcile (for my D's sake if no other), I separated the personal side from the business side and got the best outcome possible short of saving my marriage. I was not going to let myself be screwed in custody or financially by "playing" nice hoping for a marital outcome beyond my control.

Just to let you know...my exW and I have a great relationship today. Not quite friends, but no animosity. I also have a good relationship with her boyfriend. He's great to my D11 and my exW seems to be happy with him, which is good for my D11.