If you want to stay married and are going through a crisis such as I. Don't watch "definitly, maybe". I guess it was a good movie. It involves a failed marriage, moving on, kids, etc.. just like me. But I was always hoping for the typical happy ending where everything works out (sorry if I spoil it for you). Many of you who have gone through this and moved on will probably tell me that it did work out in the end...I guess I don't see that yet.
How do you let go? That may seem like a dumb question, but when you spend 15 years holding on, fighting to make a life, it is very hard to let go. I am doing it. I am letting go....but it is so sad. I feel like my spouse has died.
I know that sounds selfish, and I am not showing anger, regret or sadness to my wife. I want her to know that I want her to be happy, first and foremost. If I can have her happy and my wife, well that would be GREAT; but I don't tell her that. I do need to move on. I do need to know that I can start over, that I can meet someone else and begin a new life with them. I'm typing these words more to convince myself then to convince any of you.
How to you deal with regret? I have tons of it. I know you have to forgive yourself; but how does that work? I'd like to say "I forgive myself" and be happy; but right now that seems like I am ignoring my mistakes and just moving on. I know I am grieving yet. I am angry sometimes. I am sad sometimes. But I am happy too; but it is usually when I am feeling hopeful. I can't rely on hope to feel good, because if the hope fails, I will be crushed.
I'm making a bucket list. At 33, I don't think I am going through a midlife crisis, but I think skydiving is in my near future (with a parachute :-).
