For some reason (I can not explain it now) I have not had too much trouble with the forgiveness up to now. My IC asked in my last session "Where do you put all of your anger? Any other man sitting in your position would be hopping mad." I thought about it for a while and said "I really don't know."
I am afraid that at some point I will need to deal with this. This morning I was a little angry, not about the affair, but about how much of our savings she spen on getting and furnishing this new place. I know I will have to deal with it at some point. But, as you said, I have enough on my plate right now. Why worry about it if I am not there yet.
I've read a lot about this since I've noticed myself being more concerned and less angry than I would thought that I should be. (I've gone back and forth but I'm not angry and resentful like most would think.
It seems that when we are in "Crisis Mode" we can set that stuff aside and focus on how to get through the situation. Once we feel that we've safely made it through the crisis though, the anger and resentment can come rushing in. I'm surprised at how I can read so much stuff that my (and apparently your) IC doesn't seem to be aware of. (I really question the 3 IC's that I have gone to).
From what I gather one thing that can help is trying to get how it happened, what the WAS went through, and make a decision to forgive. You won't really be able to do that until they ask though.
So...once you feel that she truly wants to be with you for good...watch out. It's likely that you'll find the anger.
Me: 35 W: 31 S:9 M: 10 years Together 13 MySitch - Ups & Downs She moved out the day before Thanksgiving 2009, over 13 months post-bomb.
