I'm new wondering if this works...

[RedSoxFan]

Before bed -
Got home from my support group - told H about what it brought up for me. H listened. Ended by telling him that I realize these things I"m working on affected our marriage negatively because i was in denial about them - I wanted him to notice that I AM working on these things - not just blaming him. H said "it affected a lot more than that." - with a bit of an outburst. When I asked "like what?" H shut down and said he "had a lot of things to do" but would talk to me another time about it. I left it alone and said, "ok." 180 - I would usually in the past not let it go - wanting the discussion then and there, since it obviously brought up feelings for him.

H was a bit snippy about this - however, not his usual rage so I was glad for that.

Now he's talking to his brother about a bunch of blather on the phone - and so why is this so important? More important than talking to me? Ugh. This is me trying to be too pushy. That will only backfire. So I retreated to bedroom to do some sewing - FOR ME.

Oh well, no pushing for R talks. Heck, I probably shouldn't have brought it up at all. But it's killing me that I'm doing all this work to change with no recognition from H. I guess the babysteps are the recognition.

Still glad he's here, still glad he's been calm. It's no my endgoal by any means - that would be some serious intimacy and working on our issues. But I am grateful for what I have tonight - H in the house, and peaceful. That is a positive step.

It's killing me that we aren't having "light, positive,fun time" together - watching tv or doing anything in the same room together - but that's just me having expectations. Trying to not pressure him so it's relaxing when H is here so that he feels comfortable returning. That's my immediate goal. I just wish there weren't so much distance and silence bettween us. Oh well. Sitting still.

I returned to the bedroom (H is in the living room) and told him to just find me if/when he's done and wants to talk. That's good, my 180.

Nice! Good for you!!