Trying to save my M. W not really trying though.

[etrain]

...I wonder if my W realizes that, by going out every night to get away from me, she's also getting away from her son.
I guess things are so awful for her that the tradeoff is worth it.

The "Going out every night" is a glaring red flag. Are you SURE there isn't an OM in the picture?

No, I'm definitely NOT sure. Actually, everything I've read about the things she's been saying/doing points to them being classic red flags of a W who is having an A. As I mentioned, she went out again last night. She was in a much better mood when she got home around 10pm. This morning, she was still in a pretty good mood but actually got sick to her stomach & vomited as we were all getting ready to leave the house. She's been having stomach problems like this for weeks. Part of me thinks it's the guilt that's getting to her.

This is where I'm confused on what to do or not do. I just bought DR last night & haven't read any of it yet so I apologize if this is already covered in the book.

Yes, I do suspect an A. But what should I do?

Do I start spying on her to get more "evidence"? I don't want to push her further away by being an obsessed, jealous husband. I think I already made that mistake when I confronted her about the email exchange I found a couple weeks ago. She suspects that I'm snooping so she's barely using our PC...and when she does she's deleting history, etc...seems to be really covering her tracks. I don't want to be a lunatic about this & start installing keyloggers or GPS tracking devices on her car. That's just not me. But I do want to know whether or not she's involved in an A.

Do I contact her friends/family to see if they can offer any advice? I've actually contemplated this but I know they would immediately tell my W. The friend she supposedly visited last night...or my W's sister...would be the ones I'd most likely contact. But, I don't want her to feel like I'm "checking up on her". Again, that might only make things worse.

Or do I ignore the situation? It's so hard to see her going out all the time & wondering where she's going. This is very difficult & I feel like a complete fool if she is going out & having a PA behind my back while I'm at home watching our son...going out to have sex with another man & then coming home to me & our son...and sleeping in the same bed with me. The thought of that makes me physically ill.

What the heck am I supposed to do? Confronting her with the email didn't work. She denied everything. She's also denied it during MC. Do I need to go on Maury for a lie detector? Seriously, I'm having a really hard time figuring out how to handle this.