Is my wife a WAW or is this a MLC? thx2brs

[cat04]

AYK,

What Jack meant was that even though you do not seem to be able to go dark, for whatever reasons, being unable to do so does not give your permission to go and say and do whatever you want.

You didn't fail. I am sure that you contributed to the breakdown of the marriage, we all have our parts to own, but that does not make us failures.

In your mind, the marriage was good. And for you it may have been. It may have been exactly what you always dreamed of and there was not a single thing that you would have changed. I don't really believe that but...

In her mind, something was wrong. She was not happy. Maybe not with the marriage directly or at first, but with herself. It is all spelled out in your post above and you don't even see it. It is not your job to fix her, which is why even if you knew all of that stuff about her, nothing you did made a damn bit of difference. This really is about HER.

The POS OM, it doesn't matter what they say. Do yourself a favor and don't give him space in your head. Of course he was nice to you. Of course he said what he said. Want to know what I've heard?

OW1-wanted to be my friend. She cared about all of us. Even bought my S clothes, which I threw out immediately.
OW2-she thought me and my H and her and her H should double date because it would be wonderful for all of us.
OW3-if her being around was bothersome to me, then since she didn't want to do anything to damage my M, she would back off.
OW4-well she truly was a POS and didn't care if she hurt me or my S.

As you can see, they were all nuts and yes they were all POS. It doesn't matter. They were ways for my H to process or avoid processing his own crap. That is it. And if he chooses to keep running from psycho to psycho to make himself feel better, there is not much that I can do about it. Nor do I care because that is not the type of H I want anyway.

AYK, do the work. Focus on yourself, keep up your GAL stuff. But do the work. You won't be sorry.