Last Friday, my W admitted to her Facebook SA with a highschool BF. FYI, he dumped my W after a month b/c his W tried to commit suicide when she discovered his SA. I had all weekend to stew while having my time with the 3 kids (a 4yo & 2yo twins). Thankfully, I knew she was at her parents house.
Sunday night when she came home, I blew it big time. Let her have a hearty helping of my anger. Told her how disgusted I was by her (even though she's lost 30 lbs since August and is looking great.) I asked her if she wished the OM's W had succeeded in the suicide? Turned into a horrible fight. I wish I could take back all of that.
That night I started reading DB and decided to detach. I stopped wearing my wedding ring, joined a Christian divorce recovery group (in another town under an alias) and started being nice and civil to my W.
It's certainly helping me -- eventhough I retained my attorney last week and my W retained hers today. We're going Collaborative, not litigation. And Calif. it's "no fault" for both D and custody.
She's already packed up half our condo, and it goes on the market next week. I've moved in with my folks, and she's going to hers.
Tonite, she had dinner with the W of my best friend, and confessed to the whole SA. From the feedback I got, it sounded like she hasn't shut the door on reconciliation, even though she thinks it would take a miracle. (I very intentionally filed for separation, not D, and my attorney's letter to her clearly stated I don't want D, I want to work it out.)
Of course, I have no idea how I'd ever get the images of my W and the OM out of my head. But perhaps that's the cross I have to bear to save my family.
At this point, I'm very comfortable with detaching. It seems like a win-win. But I don't know how far to take it. If the OM is really out of the picture (because his in-law/employers have him financially by the short hairs) then I'm hopeful that somewhere in this multi-month process, she'll see the light.
One of the couples leading the recovery group I joined actually had similar history when the W cheated on the H. She now has to be completely accountable and transparent about where she is, who she talks to, etc. I don't know if my W could ever do that. (It doesn't help that she's isolated herself from any family and friends who would disapprove of the SA).
I could also use advice on how to break the news to our 4yo daughter. Should it be at the condo we're moving out of, or the beach, or a park? I'm assuming that, even at her age, this is something she'll remember all her life, and I want to do it the right way. I'd do anything to spare the pain from my daughter, but maybe this will be something that helps my WAW see the reality of what she's doing to the children, and me?
