...do not think you are capable at the moment. BUT that doesn't give your carte blanch to fail on purpose. [/quote]
What do you mean by that Jack?I've already failed,whatever I did or didn't do led to this somehow.
I need to prove somebody wrong either her or you.
No one fails on purpose,they either don't know or don't care... I care and I'm tired of thinking about a divorce,I want to think of what's gonna happen at the end of this...and I don't want a divorce, somehow I need to exude that positive thought to others vs telling them.
I just need to show someone that my happiness didn't and doesn't depend on them and I need to continue to be a great role model to the kids.
I just need some pointers now and then, and I have a short attention span.
I think the easiest way for me to deal with this is, what advice would I give someone if they came to me.
I'd say shut up, stay away and focus on yourself and kids,too, but be supportive,don't argue always be nice and SMILE,don't let them see you sweat.
But darn it,I don't care what anyone (wife,neighbors,MIL,her friends) or those that doubt we had something good, not great, but good thinks, I know what I had,I know how damn insecure and stressed she was about everything,I was the one that knew she was obsessive compulsive and had low self esteem and couldn't say no to anyone,and she'd put this tough front on for others, and then she'd get embarrassed if she let loose in front of me, we both affected eachother in that regard, I could be funny and silly in front of everyone but her at times. I know that she was a closet smoker and would hide it from everyone including her mom,I even know what messed with her stomach,I knew most of what she was insecure about, what I didn't know is what was going on in that head of hers, she would always say I'm fine, I'm broken, I'm fat, I can't cook and no matter what I told her she wouldn't accept that I accepted her for what she was, too me she wasn't fat,she was HOT, too me she could cook, too me she wasn't broken, I ask her what she'd want to do and she'd say whatever you want to do, what I never knew is what is really on your mind, she would never share her internal feelings and she internalized everything I know now. She really would tell me everything except what was really on her mind or what she was thinking,forever she would stare and chew on her lip and be quiet and I'd ask what you thinking about and she'd say nothing i'm relaxed, I don't chew my finger nails when I'm relaxed.
I don't want an insecure wife back,but I do want the sensitive needing to be loved wife back, the one that would write a note and say I look forward to seeing you all day long. I had a family that cared for eachother, now I got 4 individuals. This struggle is bigger than me and I know it's all about the journey and not the destination,but it's so tough to let go of something that was GOOD and it's tough to take them letting something GOOD GO!I mean really why do I care like I do, I WAS THE ONE THAT WAS DUMPED.
Who purposely does this to their family,no one, so how do you be supportive but distant without seeming cruel.
I can go dark I have been, compared to what I used to be,I mean really the kids told me last nite they only miss me at nite sometimes now and I've been following her LEAD,which is different it used to be 50/50 on most of the family stuff.I know what the old wife wanted me more involved in stuff,that I didn't do, now I don't even have that opportunity, it's frustrating knowing you care for someone that doesn't want to be married and how can you not hurt for them when you know all they're looking at is a huge regret at some point.
by the way saw son tonite he called me 'cause "mom's with the neighbor haven't seen her all nite."
I took him to get what he needed,dropped him off and there she goes over to neighbor again. I laughed to myself and played Aerosmith Permanet Vacation really loud as I left the block. WITH THE WINDOWS DOWN. Smiley face.
I don't think I want to go home right now,but I want to go home right now, but every day that passes I feel more bad for her and the kids than I do for myself. I know what they're missing out on and they don't see it. and as the time passes I still have two ultimatums, no more Neighbor and we need to rethink this parenting bit,they're not just yours.
