Old "newbie" needs help FAST!!! Please respond!!

[d1adsl5a]

I just sat back and had a sarcastic laugh..You have no idea how similar our spouses are...

-Part of her issue with me was that I was controlling with the finances. I can't tell you how many times over the years I have asked her to learn about the finances. It wasn't until this happened until she finally agreed. Last two months our visa bill was $5,000. I asked her what do we do now that we have spent more than we(I) bring in every month. I wanted her to see that I wasn't controlling, I was trying save our ass so we have money to pay for vacations, college, etc...

I think I am the worst DB'r in history. At least you are holding back. I find myself asking the R question every few weeks. You would think I would have learned by now, don't ask the questions you already know the answer to. However, I find myself asking those questions and getting the I don't love you anymore still..I must have felt smaller than an ant when she said I would hug you as a friend.

I am the same way about wanting my Wife so bad. You are not being personal. I can't sleep with her anymore. I would wake up every night at 3am and just start thinking about her, our situation. Hoping it was all a bad dream. Falling asleep was even harder. So two months ago, I went to the couch and have slept great ever since. Ambien does help though...It really is my way of being separted as well. If my W doesn't want me, I am not going to sleep in the same bed with her.

I haven't read that book, but I think I will buy it tomorrow. Because I am prepared to say that I will accept that your decision is to end our marriage if she doesn't go to retro. Still haven't gotten my answer yet if she is going to go.

I actually have my speech prepared:

-I will take you not going as your official answer that you want a divorce.

-I can never forgive you for what this will do to our sons. How this will change their personalities and souls. You will have to live with that guilt to till the day you die. They will understand one day.

-From the moment you told me 5 months ago, you haven’t tried. You may have worked on yourself, but you never gave me a chance.

-You have hurt me and them more than you will ever know.

-I hope you find what your looking for and that you find it was worth it by shattering our sons lives as well as mine.

-I would suggest we put the house up for sale sooner rather than later based on how long it will take to sell.

-I will not be leaving this house.


Hey at least you have live conversations on the phone. My wife won't call me at work anymore. If there are any questions about kids and schedules, she will text me. Text me? What am in highschool? Today when she did that, I called her and said it is ok to call me. I did beat her to the punch today and said goodbye and hung up first..

I did spend the money for the db coach. Paid for 3 sessions, only used one. Not sure I recommend it. We are past many of the first stages. It was alot of focus on what to do that gets them to come closer to you, etc...It helped a little. Not sure if the $400 is worth it for where we are at right now.

The family thing. My wife won't do anything with my friends or family. They have judged her...Last week my middle guy said he was sick when I had the kids with me as I do most weekends when my wife is out(She is out tonight, tomorrow night usually till 3am). When he spoke to her on the phone, he suddenly got better. I am trying to do more things if possible with her and the kids. The are starting to get we do things separately with them alot. Tomorrow is her mom's bday. She said, I can come. What am I a dog. Still not sure if I am going yet. I said I deserve more respect than that.

The holidays--Haven't even thought about that. Although my Wife said a few days ago, if we did divorce she wouldn't file until after the holidays. What a saint....

Will let you know when I get my answer..