It still pops up for me when I see photos of another event H missed out on, or he doesnt' know d20's friends b/c was gone when she met the girl and now he's way behind on who's who in her life. That matters a lot to teens b/c their friends are their world. When I see what we WERE earning before he went nuts and took a 90% pay cut for a year, and so far has not matched his earlier income and screwed my career plans up for awhile....yes, I get angry and have to let it go again. For a long time, I let go of something on a daily basis. Literally.
Recently I saw equipment in our garage that we will NOT need here. He bought it for himself to hunt/fish/ski with the guys up there, his "heroes" as I referred to them, & it still irks me. So yes, anger and regret about their unilateral choices, will come. The main thing was that I was usually able to enjoy the "now" (as in "Be here NOW") and be in the moment and if it weren't for that, nothing else could have happened. I think you get this.
If you prepare some ahead of time it'll help keep you from blurting out something that really is not appropriate at the time. Believe me, it can happen at the worst moments. E.G., Some weird reminder of your pain will flare up at a time when you are actually happy, and snatch that happy moment right out of your hands.
And when you are making choices about finances and geography or things with the girl's future, or Yours, and your activities you enjoy- there might be a tendency to feel entitled to have your way on more things...as in, "hey, 'would be WAS' you owe me big time..." and in way you'd be "right" ... but the question will always need to be whether you are doing something good for the M or not. Don't expect to be able to mete out justice and be happily married.
As to the present sitch, it's odd and interesting. Why didn't you go over there? I'm just curious that you drew a line in the sand on that, when she was inviting you and the d's surprised you both with their request. Why not help her move out, when the time comes? And perhaps you need a timeline internally at least, perhaps not shared with her YET, but a timeline so YOU know you won't be in limbo forever. At some point she'll need a warning too. As in the deadline approaches. FWIW I think any pro-m workshop or seminar that gives you tools for now would be really good. You could damage your chances ultimately if you blow this time period and she's asking by saying she wishes there was a book on this. THERE ARE and there are tools for this.
Avail yourself of them. Good luck, there IS hope obviously. J-
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
