Taking in what everyone has said.....if you'll remember way back, Puppy, I had a very hard time seeing the "loving" side of busting an affair. Still struggle with it at times, but I'm doing better. I remember I even used the statement that I could not fall back into bed with a man who had exposed me to the world. But I don't want to get off into that right now....and we've cussed and discussed it all before.
It took me reading your old thread to see from your side of the fense. As a former WAW, it is still vivld in my mind how self-righteous my H acted when he discussed my sins. It had a huge affect in pushing my rebellious feelings about our M to the farthest side of the church pew! (BTW, I was much like your W--where I left my parent's home and went straight into M with my H.)
The R between H & W is complicated to explain b/c as you know, I've tried to tell LBH's that to a degree, they have to treat their WW somewhat like a father would treat a rebellious daughter. The W has to respect her H before she can love him. And, come to think of it, her father was the first man who she ever loved.....so it gets very deep. (I think everyone knows I'm certainly not implying that women want to have a type of incest R when I compare the H-W to the F-D.)
I do agree that it is a fine line in the MR when boundaries have to be set--and made sure that they are respected. To say it very old fashionly.....the man has to wear the pants! Sometimes, he has to take the pants away from his W to put them on....and he may have a fight on his hands when he does....but in the end, she'll admire him. The same principle comes into play when parenting. Go figure! The deep part also is that it doesn't work when the roles are reversed! When the roles are in proper order of things, the W will not only respect her H for wearing the pants, but she will be sexually attracted to him. But, if the roles are reversed and she wears the pants, she will despise him and he will not be attracted to her. (Room for more discussion at a later time.)
So, where was I? Oh...self-righteousness! Well, now that you've brought it up....lol (just kidding). This is not pointing fingers at you Puppy, or any one person....but I have been amazed at how "saintly" some LBH's sound when they first come to the board. That old WAW mentality starts to surface real fast when I read that stuff, b/c I have my first time to see a woman leave a perfect man.
Even though we women need to see our H's being a strong, confident man, we certainly know the difference in those traits and from that of self-righeousness. When I was reading what you said about the Lord, it came to my mind that I don't recall Him ever making a sinner feel "shame". He gave them forgiveness and love, but I just don't remember anything about Him casting shame upon anyone.
Well, I hope I didn't lose anyone along the way as I was rambling in my thoughts. Puppy, you touched my heart, sweetie, and I want to see your M work so much!! I can't think of any other couple who has as many people pulling for them as Mr. & Mrs. Puppy! My love & payers to your family.
Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
