Tonight did not go as planned. And I am now wondering if I have been handling myself correctly. W and girls were at our place when I got home. I greeted everyone. W and I gave each other a quick kiss.
Things were going well until D5 asks: D5: "Mommy, can we stay at the pink house tonight?" D3: "Yeah, I want to stay at the pink house." W: "Don't you want to stay here with daddy tonight." D5: "No. I want to stay at the pink house."
I could tell W was conflicted and was not replying.
M: "So what do you want to do." W: "Isn't it important to give them consistency. It is their night to be at my place." M: "We can talk about it later."
So a little while later we get a moment to talk. M: "So you are going back to your place tonight?" W: "I think it is for the best. You are welcome to join us." M: "No. I don't think so." W: "Why not?" M: "I don't want to get comfortable in this limbo. Neither be together nor seperated." W: "You mean me." M: "Either of us. We should be woking toward one or the other. What is the goal here?" W: "I want to be together. But I am not ready to move in yet. Are you?" M: "Well I don't want you to move in if you are not ready." <silence> W: "I think we need to get that counselor to work throuh are issues." M: "OK. Are you ready for that." W: <thinks for a while and looks to get a little emotional> "Yes. I guess." M: "OK. Lets do that." W: "Why aren't you willing to come over?" M: "Can you call me later so we can talk about it." W: "Yes."
So I read a book to D5 and W gets stuff ready to go. I help get them packed in the car. Before getting in herself, W gives me a long hug which I recipricate.
W: "I wish there was a book for this. I don't know what to do." M: "Are you committed to me?" W: "Yes" M: "That is my biggest question right now. Are you committed?" W: <looks me in the eye> "Tristan. I am committed. I just need time. I have all this stuff swirling around in my head." M: "You're going to call tonight?" W: "Yes." - gives me a kiss on the cheek
So here I am still alone and it sucks. I want to be a family again 2 parents committed under 1 roof, is that too much to ask for? Am I doing the right thing?
6 weeks ago W and I were sleeping in the same bed and she told me "She wanted to explore a relationship with OM". Today we are living in seperate houses and she says "She is committed to me." Is that progress?
@Coach: Am I handling this OK or am I still puking all over my shoes?
