Newbie.....dealing with a MLC'er....

[Amy40]

What I see in the new things you've written tonight is that your wife (are you married to her or not? I'm confused on that suddenly...) Anyway, she doesn't seem to have much in the way of family ties. With her parents gone, a distant step father and a sister she barely talks to, my bet is she's a somewhat detached individual anyway. What would you say to that? Give us some more insight into your personal relationship with her prior to the crisis. I'm glad to be told I'm wrong, btw! It's just that parents hugely impact our ability to relate to and form close bonds with others...her background is a key to this whole mess she's going through now.

Wanting to understand her and not just chuck her to the wolves is great and admirable. It's also difficult and I'll tell you why - the drive to understand her will keep the mirror facing her. And your greatest chance to endure this and come out of it with anything resembling personal victory requires you do the hardest thing imaginable; turn the mirror around and look at yourself.

She's 'out there' right now.
You can not reach her.
At best, you might catch glimpses of the woman you recall.
Nothing you can DO will snap her out of this though.
It is a journey down one long and winding road.
Sometimes they come back.
Sometimes better than ever before.
But it's a hellacious, edge of your seat, nailbiting, head-spinning, hair standing on end ride to get there.
So some never turn around - BECAUSE - quite frankly - the ride's a b!tch.

So turn the mirror around and get to know yourself as you are.
Recognize your failures in the relationship.
Discover the ways in which you could become a better man; a better father. Look at and improve your communication skills (we all lacked them upon arrival here so I'm assuming you do as well). The list is yours to create and check off as you will.
But MLCer, WAS, LBS or MLC survivor, we all need to continually be improving ourselves. None of us have arrived. Not one.

Good luck in your journey.
I know you did not set out on it of your own volition but trust that you are exactly where YOU are meant to be.


Amy