We are glad you came here too! It is hard to see things as plainly in our own stitch as we can when it is somebody else's.
I will offer this suggestion to you about not knowing if you want your W back and not knowing if she would ever be mentally strong or leveled out enough for the pain & effort to be worth it (my words and not yours).......I feel that you shouldn't try to make a decision about that at this time. It is putting too much pressure on you. I would say to move on with your life....and as you said, without any "expectations" of R with any particular person. Live your life to make yourself happy...for a change....instead of having to include another person (not counting your children, of course). It may sound kind of selfish, but I don't see it like that. I see it as a time for healing and a time to grow.
As I said before, I don't believe people should leave one serious R and go right into another serious R. I think people are deceiving themselves b/c how can a person truly fall in and out of love that fast? I believe it takes time to heal over a broken R and you owe it to yourself and your children to give your future a good beginning. Don't hurry about making "any" lifelong decisions. Enjoy each day as it comes.
As long as your W is unstable, I personally don't think she needs to be in a R with you or anyone. I hope somebody can have enough influence to get her to a doctor. After reading more of the story, it sounds like it is much more than hormonal problems. Something is very unbalanced with her if this has gone on for years. I think it is commendable that you look at M the way you do, but at the risk of sounding bad here....you might need to take this chance at a fresh new life since it is being offered to you. She was the one who didn't want to be M to you, and she still wants an A over being M.....so I think you are justified in walking through an open door.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
