Thank you for your advice and encouragement. Yes, I was guilty of relaxing the "dress standards" after we got busy renovating our home and it was all I could do to keep all the balls in the air (work and home). The woman he fell for DID dress up.....so this time a BIG lesson I learned is that visual stimulation is so powerful for men. H always wanted me to show off 'the girls' but I was raised to be very modest and have always worked in male-dominated professions where I wanted to be respected on the merits of my abilities. Since DB'ing I have made BIG 180s in that department. A lot more skirts, dresses, and girls. It helps my PMA when I see men taking notice.
When I got busy I also gained weight (Ugh!). I had lost about 10 pounds pre-bomb and then 15 more came off post-bomb. I now weigh about what I weighed in my 20s. Five months ago H e-mailed me that I look the best that he has ever seen me. I joined a local cycling club (I have loved cycling for over 20 years but H wasn't a big fan, so now I get to go on long rides with nice people) and one benefit has been a nice, firm derriere. I can no longer hold a pencil under either cheek (Yeah!). A month ago H was over for dinner on the patio and I told him how firm my behind had become from cycling. I insisted that he grab my behind to check for himself......and he obliged, although not as enthusiastically as I would have hoped. By my estimate that was just a couple days after OW broke it off with him.
It appears that all of my 180s (appearance-wise and fun-wise) helped to make the OW (9 week relationship) appear so much less desirable that H was planning to break it off with her before she broke it off with him.
It helps my PMA when I see men taking notice. 
