It's too hard sometimes

[ClingingToHope]

She's showing me a very wounded and hardened heart. I have to appreciate her vulnerability now and show her love. I hope she will heal.

That's great and keep it going.

Right now, all of our talks are very businesslike and her tone is always positive. We aren't fighting at all, no cross words, but I worry that means the train will just keep rumbling along the tracks until the D is filed and final.

I keep looking for an opening any opening where there is vulnerability and a chance for a real talk.

We had a great one a month ago and were supposed to talk once a week since but she hasn't called again otherwise.

But I'm only four and half months into the S and had a really weak moment just two weeks ago, which may have set me back.

There are four months left on the lease. Holidays. Winter weather. Finances. Lots of stuff that hopefully will trigger some introspection. I keep finding myself a moment away from pushing a R talk -- but really thanks to these boards, I hold back.

I think that's the real key to DBing. Keeping connected online to other posters to help me stay strong.