My Intro: Thanks for Reading!

[RedSoxFan]

Just had an interesting call with W. We scheduled a call to plan and talk about D14 related issues. The conversation moved into some of the stress and anxiety that the kids are dealing with, how hectic their schedules are, etc. I brought up that I really want to be doing more and be more involved with the kids. I suggested there is no reason I cant be doing homework with one, whatever and that they could be staying with me during the week, etc., etc. The conversation went round and round for a while but was very civil and without stress. What surfaced was really interesting or at least it felt good to me that it surfaced.

My position is that I am 50% of the parents and intend to fulfill that responsibility. Her position is that the kids should have one home and one custodial parent. I've told her that I will insist on 50/50 parenting rights, custody, etc. if we divorce. We got into the argument about whats best for the kids, why I take my position and why she takes hers. I suggested to her that she has already made up her mind and is just finding supporting arguments to fortify her case. That if we put the kids' needs first her argument wasn't strong.

Then it all came out....she feels that I'm trying to take the kids from her and it isn't fair. I assured her I wasn't and she went on to explain that because I walked out of the marriage that it wasn't fair for her to be without the kids for any time at all. Especially not 50% of the time.

The conversation continued for some time. She shared with me how I had taken so many things away from her already. Her marriage, her family, her dreams, her future as she knew it, her ability to trust, and now I was trying to take away her kids. I assured her that my intentions were good and that if I could give our kids both parents 100% of the time that would be my choice but short of that each parent 50% of the time was a good thing for them. I told her again that I was sorry for the past and that I would do anything to change the past but I can't and what matters is what we do from today forward. We had to hangup but agreed to think more about the parental sharing stuff.

I just thought it was such a good conversation in that she shared a lot with me. Its so hard when you see what someone has gone through, you love them so much and yet you can't do anything to make it right. Obviously trust in me is impossible for her right now. I can't help but believe that the door is still open just a little bit. Maybe there is hope. I guess the other good thing is I didn't cross any lines, that I know of. I was probably close to breaking the rules but I didn't ask her back I didn't grovel or beg, I didn't ask her to trust me again, give me another chance, etc.