Returning from the land of excuses...

[Lostforwords]

That I am not. So facing the reality that there is no sex in my near future with my wife or some 20 something hottie...I will tease you with my culinary skills. Fresh beef and broccoli over rice tonight! Good I love some people can find humor in this...LOL

[ClingingToHope]

I equate this statement with what his XW told him about his size. I wonder, and although I know I am wrong, I still wonder if the reason he had an affair was because I am lousy in bed and he was left unsatisfied.

Part of me really wants to ask him this.

Part of me is really scared of the answer.

What do I do?

I've learned an offhand comment never goes away -- unless someone just chooses to forgive it. I said once I was worried my W would become as big as her mom. I was 28 maybe and still in my "all about me" phase.

She's kept that bottled up inside for years and trotted it out when we were fighting earlier this year. I'm long past image issues. I love every size 14 inch of her, but it may not ever matter again.

I'm not a lawyer, but I do remember a key lesson in law school. Never ask a question you don't know the answer to.

Final thought. I don't know any guy who ever had "bad" sex. That's just a justification for a new romance. It'll get stale there as well.

[rinserepeat]

Hi Lola,
sorry the anniversary is bringing up memories and negative thoughts. I think it's normal.
I am sure you are fine. But your stbx's problem may be a piece of what happened with him. It was probably him who felt inadequate & a conquest helped him feel ok again. I think it possible that he dumped some blame on you for it, but it's his problem. And it will follow him.
I like your pro-active filing idea. If he can't get it done, do it. It is time for freedom. The closure may bring many blessings to you.
One door closes, another is opened.
Your train of thought is quite normal. Or at least I have gone there too. Still looking for the answer to WHY?
Do something enjoyable on the dreaded anniversary.
My xh had a low libido. I was very frustrated with our sex life, although everything else was good so I was willing to sacrifice that aspect. I certainly never expected he would cheat when he didn't seem to need sex often anyway. But I think that his feeling inadequate in this way was in fact what caused him to cheat. Not that they're all the same, but I think it played a part in the demise of our r, and I think it's possible that it did in yours also.
xo

[LolaL]

I cannot BELIEVE the audacity of this man I am sharing a name with. I can't even say married to anymore.

It has been a year since we filed the bankruptcy. We make the payments every month as it is a debt consolidation bankruptcy. Anyway, apparently stbx got behind on his mortgage...AGAIN...

Irony is that I work in bankruptcy in NY, so I took a look at my case file online through the bankruptcy court yesterday. Apparently they have written the six months worth of past due mortgage payments into the bankruptcy.

Now, stbx lied to me about that, because he said he was only 3 months behind. I don't really care about that because it is his house, but it just shows a pattern of lies he has told me over the past two years. But I digress...there is a purpose to this.

I noticed that the payment went up by about $100. Panicked, I sent him a text. I have just finally started to get up on my feet, I don't need any more debt right now. Heard nothing. So I called the bankruptcy attorney, and he explained that the mortgage was almost $4,000 in arrears, and the bank was about to foreclose on the house. However, the excess should not affect my payment because this was his fukc up.

So later I get a text back with him telling me that my half is going to go up $35. Uh....no....I did not NOT pay the mortgage on HIS house. I mean, the whole reason we had to even FILE bankruptcy is because he just couldn't be married to me anymore, and all of a sudden a double income household went to two single income households.

So NOW he asks for understanding. Screw that! Why should I be understanding??? Why is this my problem??? I am so mad I could scream. This is not my house, this is not my debt.

So of course I said to him do you think I wanted this? (meaning the debt and the bankruptcy) and he automatically thinks I am talking about the fact that we are separated. Self centered, self serving bastard. I corrected him on that, because of course at this point I just don't give a shlt. That shut him up really quick.

The attorney said he would correct the payment issue w/ stbx, and let stbx know that just because he cannot live within his means doesn't mean he can keep putting his debt off on me. Part of me wants to write a long nasty email to him, but at the same time I realize that won't get me anywhere. I am not looking for reconcilation with this moron anymore, but I don't want my stress level to go up either.

Whew....drama drama drama. His chief complaint and yet his life is full of it.

[Lostforwords]

Lola,

Sounds like financial stress is the key phrase for today. I totally hear what you are saying!

[LolaL]

AHHAHHHHHHHHHH.

[LolaL]

So I did email the stupid jerk, and he has the audacity to turn it around and blame me. All of this is my fault. Shitznit I havent even lived with the SOB for two years!!!!!

[rinserepeat]

Could this be the reason he doesn't file? Is this some way to make you share the responsibility for his financial problems?
He makes ME mad blaming you after all this time.
Shitznit is too nice. He needs another name.

Well, this happened at a good time tho, while you were feeling a little sentimental & insecure about him. Shuts that train of thought down effectively.

Let's have a drink, shall we?

[LolaL]

DRINKS ARE ON THE HOUSE!!!!

Please place your order before I get to drunk to serve.

I think he and I could get in a pissing match about whose debt is whose, but the fact of the matter is that had he not decided to ... how shall I say this ... unzip his fly and put his disco stick somewhere it did not belong and then decide to give me the boot, then we would not be in the position we are in financially.

I think he is jealous, to be honest. I read another poster, sorry I can't remember who, and he said he had emailed his wife on the third anniversary of the bomb.

My second one was yesterday. I did email him and tell him that it was the second anniversary of the day he told me that he could not be with me and wanted to be happy. I asked him how that was going for him. (muhahahahaha). And then I told him karma was a bitch. I know it was not a DB method, and I shouldn't have rubbed it in, but, well, damn I felt better!!!

[JCJ]

Lol Lola, you are so gutsy!

I'll have a double vodka and orange please!