those of us that are used to 'smoothing' things over so feelings are managed & anger is reduced in the household, not escalated... seem to insulate children of that age from the tension we feel daily.. they are self-absorbed by nature anyways.
I have found since couching my talks about their Dad's abuse & any interactions I have with him as 'healthy' or 'unhealthy' seems to resonate with them and keeps the 'blame' game under control
Example: (after his assault last October) I told my then 14yo D:
Because your Dad & I can not interact right now, in a way that is healthy for both of us, he will not be allowed into my house. and that makes me sad. While I"m sad about that, it's not good to be in situation that is unhealthy so we're getting help.
We're both seeing couneselors to help us learn new behaviours that are healthy & compassionate. I hope that will make a difference soon.
Can you tell me what you understand me to be saying? Do you have any questions?
You may be surprised at what she picks up on.. it's amazing what they teach in school these days about 'healthy & unhealthy' relatinoships.
Stay strong, stay safe. Peace Bridge
Divorced 03/2010 Mom to two amazing kids
Taking the road less traveled because those encountered on the way may be just as unique.
