So...did your wife try to tell you all these things before she finally left you? Was her leaving you the only thing that forced you to deal with the issues?
This is a very big issue in my marriage. My H makes some effort to deal with it, but really, he doesn't want to, or can't, really face up to what he's doing and what it does to us.
He also alternates between being all happy/lovey and then using every single tactic listed in Patricia Evans' books.
I find myself at the crossroads so many times because he will improve, but then relapse..and of course, trying to talk about the relapse brings on more of the behavior.
He once found my Patricia Evans book The Verbally Abusive Relationship and completely freaked out and gave me the worst episode of verbal abuse he ever had! He also got totally drunk that day. When I tried to talk to him about it the next day, sober, I told him he had verbally abused me because he saw a book on verbal abuse, and he said Yes! I made him feel horrible!! Like that was a perfectly natural response. It doesn't even make any sense half the time. He denies he does it and then says I deserve what he's not doing.
