yes maybe that is it, I'm tired of "paying the freight", I want someone else to do the work and she is doing some work but I get tired of the great effort one day and the half-assed effort the next and maybe my expectations are too high and I'm unknowingly adding more pressure to this situation as necessary. Maybe I've succumbed to this idea of wanting to feel good all the time, maybe from her point of view she is really trying hard and maybe she is and her trying hard is not good enough because now I'm angry at her for this whole process so maybe no matter what she does, it won't be good enough for me, it's possible, wow what a winding rant, I feel like I'm driving down a highway with so many exits popping up in front of me: do I get off here? how about this one, do I get off here? Why do I feel the need to exit now after all the time I originally invested in trying to get back on?
