My own problem is this and I don't mean to hijack your thread SP but it seems to be similar, after playing LBS for a while and then becoming WAS when the tables turned, my excitement is gone, I feel like I'm going through the motions and I'm trying but I find it difficult. I've owned my part in all my own relationship issues (or I've tried to at any rate) but I find it so easy to want to walk now, to quit. How do you give that person the chance and be true to them about that chance, how do you get excited again. When you get so used to disappointment, you remember the rejection, the problems, the hard work and all the effort that went into this, something new & different is so much more appealing and attractive than working at something that hasn't been anything like that in such a long time and when the dynamic in the relationship changes and the original WAS is now trying to make amends, trading spots with them makes me feel what they must have felt originally: this is too hard, so much time has been wasted on this, is it really worth it, why am I doubting this all of a sudden when I wanted it for so long, why am I disappointed when I look at them, why do I have such a long list of everything they've done wrong, why can't I attribute value to all the good things my spouse is doing, when they slip why do I feel like quitting and walking away so easily?
Is it just me, did/is anyone else experience/ing these feelings when things turn/ed around?
Am I just being crusty after all of this crap has happened and because I now have more control in the relationship am I attributing less value to it and that's why I don't want it as much anymore. There are days when I want it to work but there seem to be more days now that I don't want it to work. I'm just being honest with these feelings, maybe it's too early to tell what any of this means.
Crusty? No.
You're tired of paying the freight. You've done your part. It's time for someone else to do some work. But you can't live your life depending on what someone else is going to do. Keeping a distance is healthy.
"My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand." Thich Nhat Hanh
