Thanks Sun - you are right, everyone is right. I know it. My head knows it's all true. It's just very hard on the heart. I love him and I can't just turn it off, no matter how lazy or silent or anything else that he is.

The eviction notice stands and will stand. The only way that would change is if I seen a sudden miracle I only hope for (note hope - I'm not counting on it, not expecting it). If I seen a continuous change - none of this "try" and "change" that doesn't happen or only happens for a couple of days.
If he was suddenly communicating and willing to work on things, even consider counseling - those would be steps in a direction.

I know my co-workers, my friends, my family, you all here, hell even a psychic/stranger has told me all the same. And I know it's ultimately up to me and I'm taking those steps - it's just hard along the way

30 days to go

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.