No I haven't discussed it. It's really difficult for me to discuss that part, but I will here since it might help. Basically I knew this person years ago. It didn't end well then, however, 8 years after the fact he showed up in my life by a chance meeting and it was about the same time I realized I would stay in my marriage forever despite our differences we couldn't seem to get past (we had a terrible counselor!) DIdn't know that at the time. Anyway, the EA happened because we started working together and because he was so convincingly sorry of how things ended years ago and I fell for every romantic line he gave me and without going into all the details, he convinced me he wanted to marry me all these years. So I ended up getting the feelings, emotionally, that I had been pretty much begging my husband for. My husband said he just wasn't that kind of guy. He's not very physical, passionate but he is Everything else. To put it in a nutshell, I was sex-starved (not that it didn't happen, I just felt it was more of a job for him). As I had the feelings of undesireablity from my H, we would argue because I became more insecure thinking others would be more appropriate for him. At the same time, of course the EA started. I did not want to cheat or lead my H on, I had too much respect for him to do that, so I quickly came clean with the feelings I was having and that's when according to him he wanted me to choose and he thinks I chose the OM, but what I really wanted to hear was that he didn't want it to end, for me to come back and we could find another counselor and work things out. I never stopped loving him, I wanted him back 1 month after our divorce was final, but I never thought he'd take me back, so my assumption was: I made my bed...deal with it. Anyway, He moved out so fast at the time, and it all happened so fast, it has been a whirlwind 2 years.
The affair ended because the OM is a clinical diagnosed commitment phobe and doesn't mean a word he says past the moment he says it. He got too close and ran back to his parents house. At this point I feel like I was kidnapped into a cult, brainwashed and thrown back into reality. I have a very good counselor now and I see all the ways my exH showed his love for me and I didn't see it then, I know what happened to me with the EA, is something that will never happen again weather I'm with my Ex again or not. I will not be able to fall for someone like that Ever again. I thought I was over my ExH, but the whole time I missed him terribly. We met at an event together one day, me, the OM and my ExH, and I cried most of the day. (I would go the the bathroom there and cry alone and called a friend to tell her, I should be with my Ex, not this OM).
At this point, My Ex says he wants to see me surviving on my own, and now I'm afraid he'll meet someone while I prove myself. Either way, I've decided I will never have a relationship unless it is with my son's father because he is the only one that will be able to share the joy of raising him with me, I don't want to have to worry about someone else's feelings (if I were to have a new relationship) and have them take any attention away from my son. At this point, that's just the way it is for me. It looks as if we will be going to DIsney with our son in Feb, no one else would find that okay anyway, dontcha think? But I still don't want that.
I don't want to just be friends with my Ex, I really want us to get back together, hopefully sooner rather than later, I let too much time go by because I made a very very very bad decision! I can't even believe it was me! That I let that happen! But he is talking about maybe in a couple of years, when he talks about even considering the possibility, at the same time, at this point he does not see a future as a family with me. I hope I can do the right things to help him trust me again. Any help with all that would be welcoming... thank you all for your input....
