The whole ILYBINILWY thing has always struck me as kinda ludicrous.
Since Coach mentioned the Greek names for love, I'll explore that, and I think the quote above is dead on. I'll preface this by saying my observations are almost entirely based on "feelings" - not an objective, structured dissertation.
There is phileo love or "brotherly love" - my interpretation is that this is the "enjoyment love" - meaning that this type of love is the love you would have for a brother or good friend. You enjoy sports together, knitting, taking walks, flying to Europe, playing board games, reading the same types of books, etc, etc.
There is "eros" - I "love" your hot bod! It usually applies to sex, or perhaps, if it goes deeper, an appreciation for beauty.
Storge - the love like a parent feels for a child, typically not applied to a marriage - at least not in healthy sense!
What I believe is lacking is Agape love. Wiki describes it as a contented love - also described as "an intentional response to promote well-being when responding to that which has generated ill-being." Or in other words, "for better or worse".
It is my opinion that many marriages have one or more of the first two, probably more heavily weighted toward eros. And since eros is very over-powering, it is sometimes mistaken for other types of love, generating the "love is blind" statements. Eros is also very focused on self receiving pleasure, and what the person does for you, as opposed to a two-way relational love.
Basically, I believe many relationships start with eros, and pretty much skip over most of the phileo part - thus self-destructing before ever building enough to reaching the agape part.
Call me old-fashioned, but if more people would do Phileo > Agape > Eros, then I think it would be a better world!
Here's the thing: Eros is easy, but typically incredibly shallow by itself. Phileo is easy, but dependent on how the other person treats you. Agape is controlled by you, and not affected by external circumstances - much in the way SP said he'd rather Mrs. SP be xW and happy/balanced, than Mrs. SP and miserable.
Quote:
But people remember things as explosive and in the moment and unplanned. And that's not true. But passion can die because we forgo the willfulness, the intentionality and the imagination that fuel the erotic.
I can put jet fuel in my car, and it'll go like crazy. But eventually, it's gonna burn out my engine because my engine isn't outfitted to handle it. That's why I go back to my thoughts on people that explosively fall into a huge crush, and race into a relationship/marriage, and burn out, because of not being prepared.
I'm excited for SP and his honey-bunny. Here they have outed all of their baggage, realized who they are/were, and now have a low pressure chance to just be who they are, and learn to love in a real manner. Hard times may be ahead for Mrs. SP to work on. SP may have to swallow some pride, but if it goes through, then it could be beautiful.
Maybe this type of interaction should've happened before the vows? (This applies to all, not just SP)
